I have this issue where I make things appear way bigger and way more important than they actually are. I become so overwhelmed by everything all at once that I don’t at all realize how worked up I’m getting or that I’m getting worked up over nothing.
This is a stronghold of mine and reminds me very often that I am human and that God is working on me every day.
Yesterday, I was miserable. God put me here for a reason, but that reason is not at all to be miserable. I totally missed the point of this whole thing, this whole adventure, this whole journey. I am making things out to be much bigger than they actually are, especially in comparison with my God and His greatness.
The people here at Pratt are not as frightening or terrible as I’m making them out to be; lots of them are actually really friendly, accepting, kind, and considerate. God loves them all, just like He loves me. My problem is that I get caught up in the analyzing of what’s wrong with them or what they say or what they wear or how they act that I forget that they’re human, just like me.
I’m supposed to be loving others and being myself and loving God and showing how much I love Him by the way I act. Lately, I feel like I’ve been doing a lot more of loving myself than anything else. I’m focusing so much on why I’M here and what I’M going to do and how I feel that I’ve fallen flat on my face because I have spiritually put both feet in my mouth.
Today was much different from yesterday, mostly because I just let myself enjoy it rather than analyze it. I was able to really appreciate everything my professors were telling me because I just let them be my professors and I let myself be me. Sure, I didn’t agree with everything they said, but that’s okay. I need to stop taking everything so personally.
The fact that God even cares enough to put people in my life who will tell me to calm down, to not take things to heart so deeply and so often, to sleep, to just be quiet and stop freaking out, is absolutely amazing. I can honestly say that if I were God, I would’ve smite me by now.
Man, it’s a good thing I am not God.