Today was rather funny 🙂 which is refreshing considering my weekend.
When I walked into Critical Thinking and Writing today, I noticed that there was one desk out of line with the horse-shoe formation of the other desks. Now, I have not been officially diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but things like a desk being out of line, or someone’s tie being paisley while their shirt is flannel or when one side of a car has mud on it and the other side is spotless—these things just bother me, but I do get quite a bit of humor out of it.
Anyway, I stood in the middle of the room, talking to myself about what to do with this desk. All of my entering classmates are observing me with grins on their faces.
“I’m sorry. My O.C.D. is acting up.” They all laugh. When I use this term, it is not an action taken to offend anyone who actually suffers from O.C.D., it just what I use as way to explain my abnormal fussiness. Eventually I move a few other desks around until there is room in the horse-shoe for the loner desk. I then proceed to sit in the loner desk and ignore the fact that I’m still farther into the empty space of the horse-shoe than everyone else. *Huff.*
As we go on in class, discussing the same story we have been discussing for the past three weeks, the one girl (we’ll call her Maria) who had stated there was no truth raised her hand to offer a point. We were speaking on the term “diagnosis,” and how sometimes people stereotype and label themselves based on a medical diagnosis. This was her opinion.
“I find that some people actually belittle and make fun of people who have received a medical diagnosis. Like, it is very disturbing to me when people nonchalantly use the phrase, “Oh, I’m just being O.C.D.” rather than “I’m sorry, I suffer from O.C.D.” That is just so disrespectful and personally offensive to me and to others who suffer from these things. Like when people say, “I’m so depressed today,” when really they’re just sad and don’t actually suffer from depression.” And she went on. At the end of her point and the continuation of discussion, she looked at me with a glare that, if looks could kill, would have sent me to the floor, wriggling in pain. I felt bad that she was so offended, but I was trying not to laugh. Everyone knew she was referring to my comment earlier. Everyone knew I hadn’t meant anything by it. Everyone but Maria.
I argued in my head that I was really offended by how she treated my God, by her lack of reverence for His name and by her disapproval of my being so open about my relationship with Him. But then I was reminded that by arguing this, I would be contradicting and totally misrepresenting the testimony that God would want me to have. So I sat back, content with the fact that I didn’t have to argue, that I didn’t have to play a part in society’s game of political-correctness.
Her and I entered into a few debates during class, her interrupting me once or twice to dramatically and passionately defend her point. God gave me a peace in my mind and heart to let her speak and to not worry about my inability or lack of opportunity to continue my own argument. I sat back and wondered what she would be like if she knew Him.
After class a group of the girls who had witnessed our debates came up to me and told me how horribly she had acted towards me, that they felt bad and tense in her presence, and that they couldn’t understand why she was so defensive. I was tempted to take part in the gossip, to let my already suppressed sass come out and perform, but I refrained. It wasn’t worth it. How could I be so open about being a Christian and then bash someone else behind their back, even if they were acting absurdly? No. I decided against it. Besides…God loves her, so that’s mean I should too, even if I don’t necessarily like her way of thinking.
I explain to the girls that I hadn’t felt bad at all, that she really just wants everyone to think the way she does, which is natural. Also, that we have no idea what she’s been through or what goes through her head on a daily basis, so we can’t really understand why she took such actions towards me.
I was relaying this story to Linglin later, when we were both in the dorm after such a long day.
“How could she be so rude to you? You’re so kind.” She told me. I simply said what I thought.
“Honestly, Lin, without God I wouldn’t be so kind..” She then began to ask me questions about God and about my being saved and about why I was going to be nice to this girl even though she was not nice to me. At the end of our conversation, Lin looked very thoughtful, as if I had given her something important to think about. I quietly thanked God for the opportunity to talk to her about Him. And I didn’t even have to do anything. 🙂 I then proceeded to ask Lin why she had a box of brownie mix on her shelf. She said that when she bought it she thought it was a package of brownies that she could eat. I laughed and told her about the amazingness that is the humble Cosmic Brownie, and how me and my cousin lived on those things when we were little.
Now, I’m not saying that whenever someone treats me poorly, even slightly, I don’t sometimes freak out. Sometimes I’m the one who’s defensive and rude. But God is working on that in me. I’m also not going to claim that loving Maria is always going to be the easiest thing in the world; after all my default is usually frustration. But this is a great opportunity to change my default, to make it love and quietness instead of defensive frustration. Moments like what occurred today always make me feel like I’m having wrestling practice in my brain, like I’m working out with weights that are way too heavy for me. But it’s okay, because God can spot me just fine. 🙂
“For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.” -2 Corinthians 10:3,4