Today was hard…
Today was rainy….
Today was also my birthday.
It’s funny; you don’t realize how much you depend on your birthday to bring you joy until you don’t get to spend it with your friends and family. I woke up bitter, frustrated, and annoyed; my emotions weren’t helping me out at all.
I went to go take a shower and the bathroom door was locked. The humidity made my hair look like a living animal chilling out on top of my head. I hadn’t slept very well and my sickness had migrated down to my stomach, making me not want to eat anything. I was a rather miserable creature today. I was upset that Linglin hadn’t done anything for my birthday (yeah, I know, I’m pathetic). The worst part about all of it is that I knew I should sit down and talk to God to revamp my mind, but I was just caught up in myself, totally upset that I wasn’t home. And I knew I was being a baby about it, so I stupidly thought that God wouldn’t want to listen to me whine.
The wind, rain, and cloudy sky made me even more miserable. I also thought The Day After Tomorrow was finally proving itself to be true. We were under a tornado warning and I’m pretty sure I saw Margaret Hamilton running around campus with a little black dog in a basket.
While I was sitting and being miserable, Karly came up to me saying “Happy Birthday.” The two of us then walked to Connecticut Muffin where Karly bought me a ridiculously large slice of red velvet cake, which was very yummy and very much needed. I used some of my birthday money to buy some Pratt attire (which is extremely comfy, by the way) to make myself feel better.
Once my classes were finished, I came back to my dorm and stretched, still trying to figure out why I was so miserable. I finally let myself talk to God and I quickly saw my error: I was, among other (feminine) things, homesick, tired, and craving homemade food. I missed my Mama. I wanted real food like a big plate of spaghetti with garlic bread on the side, or macaroni and cheese. I became a little less bitter after catching myself and realizing why I was so overemotional. My ridiculousness was a little bit easier to handle.
A little while later, after talking to Mom and getting most of my homework done, Linglin came into our room. We asked about one another’s day and about how each of us were feeling.
“Oh! I have a surprise for you!” She very excitedly got up from her chair and pulled something out of the fridge. It was a slice of chocolate mousse cake. She also pulled a hand made card out from her desk drawer, handed it to me, and said with great enthusiasm, “Happy Birthday.” Inside the card, Lin had written ‘Happy Birthday’ in several different languages, at the end saying, “Happy Birthday to my lovely roommate!”
I felt like a brat.
If you have never read the Christy Miller Series by Robin Jones Gunn, you should go out, buy all of the books, and devote an entire twenty-four hours to reading through every single one of them (there are six). I felt like Christy, before she was saved, when her aunt Marti takes her out shopping for the second or third time. She’s so nasty to her aunt and she knows she’s being nasty. Then, on her birthday, Todd (the protagonist and Christy’s totally awesome, strong, surfer, Christian friend) takes her out to Disney Land. When the day is done, Christy thinks Todd is going to kiss her but he instead hands her a wad of money, telling her to give it back to her aunt Marti. Christy totally loses it and storms into the house, throws her shoe at Todd, and thunders up the stairs to her room. She gets saved that night.
God has this way, like a good parent, of showing His kids that they’re being ridiculous without Him having to really do anything. We basically say, “Well, I’m going to be a brat and there’s nothing You can do about it.” And He sits back, with a knowing smile on His face, and says, “You go right ahead.” That’s kind of what happened today. I went right ahead and I was knocked right on my backside. But even though today was kind of miserable, I’m glad that God loves me enough to bring me back to Him. I love having the assurance that even when I do falter or lose my footing, He’s going to pull me away from the edge and right back into His arms, no matter how terrible I have acted.
“I often forget that I’m human, which always gives God a reason to remind me.”