Figure It Out

Messing up isn’t difficult. It doesn’t take any amount of skill or training. You do it the moment you come out of the womb.

Trying to figure out exactly what to do in exactly the right moment isn’t easy, some might dare say it’s practically impossible.

Asking the right questions can be daunting. Rejection and sarcasm are always lurking around the corner.

Whenever I mess up I feel like I can’t get away from my mistake, like it’s always hanging over my head and it’s always punching me in the gut every time I try to think about something else. Whenever I mess up I just want to crawl into a corner and wait until the world has changed once more.

But I can’t. I can’t just stay in a dark room, crying, wondering how in the world I let myself make such a stupid mistake, and feeling as if I can’t even talk to God because I’m so ashamed and so embarrassed.

I’m not God. I’m human. I’m helpless. I mess up, especially when I’m trying hard to do the right thing.

When it comes right down to it, I don’t deserve the friends that I have, the new and the old. Why did God bless me with such great friends when He knew I was going to turn around and treat them so poorly?

My problem is that ever since I left home, and maybe even before then, I’ve been trying to be God. I have been struggling to keep up with Him and trying to always to the right thing…I have been trying to be perfect.

Well, I’m not perfect. I don’t know everything, in fact I know very little.

I know that in ten years from now, I’ll look back on this time and laugh at myself, but that doesn’t make this any less uncomfortable.

 

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About newminority16

Hi, my name is Hunter. I very often make random comments about bacon and how chocolate is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy :) So, before I started this blog, I was getting ready to make one of the biggest decisions of my life: college. God led me to go to a secular college in New York City, a place I was deathly afraid of. It's followed me through those years at college straight into married life and becoming a military spouse, all while seeking to following Christ and know God better and share Him with others. This blog is a way for you to go with me through these adventures, through being a Christian in a world that's forgotten its Creator.
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