So, guess who was the idiot that decided to watch the movie Dante’s Inferno instead of read the poem? Yup, this kid. It probably would’ve been much less of an anathema if I had read it. That is probably the most gruesome, disturbing, frightening depiction of hell that I have ever encountered. As Dante descended through the nine levels of hell, I was terribly convicted of each sin through which he had to fight his way. But then I realized that I never have to fear being tortured or dying a thousand deaths, forever separated from the love and the light of Jesus Christ, because I’ve already been claimed 🙂 I bear the seal of the Holy Spirit, something no priest or holy war could ever bestow upon anyone. How eternally grateful I am that Jesus intersected God’s wrath. I have been reconciled because Jesus was resurrected. Yeah….wow.
Also, acting upon good counsel, I’m going to do something very dangerous….I am going to negotiate my classes with my professors.
Now, I’m really intimidated by my professors. After all, they’ve been doing this whole teaching thing much longer than I’ve been a college student, so what do I know? But I can’t keep reading the content I’m reading; it’s damaging the thing that’s sustaining me, my relationship with God. I hope you all know I don’t keep saying that so I sound like a saint. BELIEVE ME I am very far from being a saint; I’m just aware of how incredibly helpless I am without God, and I hate feeling disconnected from Him because then I feel vulnerable and insecure. I don’t need to feel that way…that’s why I’m His girl in the first place, so I don’t ever have to feel that way again.
Yes, I’ve done my homework, rehearsed my argument, and solidified my reasoning. I’m so ready for this. Now all I have to do is actually negotiate. I get goosebumps just thinking about it. I just don’t want to look like a snob, like “This material offends me; you’re being totally narrow-minded by making me read this.” No, this is not how I want to appear, and I’ve tried to word my argument so I don’t.
“I appreciate the fact that it seems like you’re trying to give us a wide variety of things to read, but as we go through the material, I feel like I’m reading the same thing. Each story is packed with some kind of uncomfortable theme. Granted I understand that, as writers, we need to read widely and beyond our comfort zone, but I feel like reading widely shouldn’t only include reading things about sex, drugs, alcohol, and psychological and societal issues, but also reading things about grace, purity, and innocence. Reading the things we’re reading has definitely let me see differences in mechanics and writing styles, but the content has been detrimental to my thought life and I can’t read it anymore…” You get the point.
I’ll propose independent study and I’ve even come up with a list of books that I could read in place of the ones required. I’m not sure if this is going to work, but if I’m really supposed to be here, then I’m going to have to try and change a few things. What’s the worst that could happen? Well, I’ll try not to dwell on it too much, but basically this is what could happen:
My proposal could get harshly rejected and I could be seen as the crazy Christian girl. This gives me cause not to read any of the material, therefore fail all of my classes (or at least most of them), get kicked out of Pratt, and have to go to a Christian school…
Okay, that actually doesn’t sound as terrible as it did in my head 🙂
I kind of like this plan, especially since the worst thing that could happen is my having to attend a Christian college….yet, as I sit here typing this, I don’t think that’s God’s plan for me, especially since He wants me here. No, this is going to work….but if it doesn’t, I will be very interested to see how God is going to turn this around.
On a completely different note, I really don’t understand how some people say that Christians don’t have any fun. I had a blast today…granted, the first fun things that happened today were walking outside into the glorious weather and learning that when you removed the coffee pot at church from the percolator the water automatically stops pouring into the pot (IT”S AMAZING!!! I HAD NO IDEA THIS KIND OF SORCERY EXISTED!!!), but it’s still fun 😛 I guess it depends on your definition of fun. See, the Christian definition of fun, as far as I’m concerned, is going to Rebounderz in Edison, New Jersey and playing trampoline dodge-ball, or going skiing in the Adirondacks, or having a whipped cream fight at an ice-cream social. I’m not actually sure what the non-Christian version of fun is, and I don’t think it would be wise for me to assume. Because, I mean, we all know what happens to people who assume….
ANYWAY! God is awesome. He really is. Today He made church be like a breath of fresh air to me. My pastor’s wife hugged me after I told her about my week. She said, “This is from your mom. I don’t even really know her, but this is from her.” Then one of my friends, when I was leaning forward in my pew, rubbed my back. My mom does this a lot and it always makes me feel comfortable (I realize that some people may find it weird, but hey).
Thank You, Jesus, for church, for grace, purity, and innocence. Thank You for Dunkin’ Donuts hot apple cider and pumpkin pie donuts. Thank You for cool and sunny fall weather and for the diversity of New York City. Thank You for life, for mess-ups, for mistakes, for trips and falls, for without them, how would we ever be aware of the goodness and of the comfort You so willingly give? Thank You, for everything. In Jesus’ name, amen.
“This is the message we have heard from him (God) and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.”
–1 John 1:5, ESV