Last night I did a college kid thing.
For some stupid reason I wanted to watch Pocahontas at one in the morning. I cried my eyes out, forgetting that I’m going through some kind of childhood-relapse and craving Disney movies and boxed mac & cheese. Then I totally ruined the original movie for myself by watching the sequel. I cried during that one too, but I was still upset about even watching it.
I had finished watching both of the movies around 3:00am and I was wide awake. I began whispering to God; if I spoke at full volume, Lin might wake up and think I was talking in my sleep. I’m working on my latest novel, and there’s this one scene that I know I have to write but I can’t bring myself, emotionally, to write. I’ve been putting it off for a few days now, knowing that if I don’t write this scene I won’t be able to continue writing the novel. Well, at 3:00am, I grabbed some paper, my journal, and my Bible, and stepped into the dorm lounge. Tears fell as I let the words come out of my heart, through the pen, and onto the paper. After writing the scene, I talked to God some more, writing to Him.
When I finally climbed back into bed an hour later, I was able to go to sleep easily. I woke up at noon and spent about two hours talking to God some more. I wished very much that I could spend the whole day just talking to Him, writing to Him, crying to Him, lying every single thought that crossed my mind before Him.
But I had a paper to write on comparative racialization.
I am happy to say that my procrastination from last night evaporated this morning and I was able to plow through my homework. Doing homework was especially fun to do because I got to eat fresh strawberries and yogurt-covered almonds while doing it….:D
Once I finished my homework, I strapped on my sneakers and worked out. Working out is so refreshing; it’s the one thing I can do and just not think. I never think about homework, about life, about my worries or insecurities while I’m working out. While I’m running, I can just focus on running. While I’m doing calisthenics, all I can think about is pushing myself as far as my body will let me go. The best feeling is when the workout is over and you’re drenched in sweat and the results of hard work. It’s the best kind of stress-reliever; it’s better than punching something or yelling at the top of your lungs. Neither of these actions result in anything except fake relief; working out results in strength and focus and relaxation, at least it does for me.
This upcoming week is the week I have to submit my spiritual allegory…I’m not entirely sure how it’s going to go over. I mean, we, as a class, have read some pretty freakish stuff without any real message or point, so my writing something freakish with a point should be fine, right? What’s the worst that could happen? I’ll tell you the worst thing that could happen: nobody understands it, thinks that it’s the worst thing they’ve ever read, and thinks I’m an idiot for even thinking of writing something like it.
Oh well 🙂 I don’t think that’ll happen though. Maybe they’ll all totally get it and someone will be saved….now THAT would be cool.
Tomorrow is Missions Sunday, and I am so excited 🙂 church continues to be a weekly refresher for me and the friends I’ve made there continue to be a consistent encouragement. This whole past week has just been an encouragement. There have been so many opportunities for me to be blessed, to be excited, to be hopeful, to be joyful. I love the fact that God does that, sets up moments and situations to uplift weary hearts, especially mine. It helps that He knows what gets me excited and what encourages me. It helps that He spends so much time on me. It helps that He loves me. 🙂