I have absolutely no idea what to write.
Things happened today, believe me.
I baked Christmas cookies with Maria, had a great time at Bible study, had my official last class of the semester, and I met Edward’s snow white husky, Athena. I was given many books to read over the break, a way to come back early (before the dorms re-opened) so I could go skiing with my church people, and an opportunity to let Maria in on some of my struggles. I read four chapters of The Two Towers, I wrote a random scene or two, and I ate red velvet cheesecake while drinking ice cold water….
And the word ‘bittersweet’ cannot begin to describe my feelings right now.
My heart is so confused. Among other things, I’m really torn about having to leave my new ‘family,’ about not spending the holidays with them, also about how much I miss my family and my second family back home, how I really want to see them and spend time with them as well. Then there’s a whole guy situation that I won’t get into, but believe me, it’s a tad bit complicated and slightly overwhelming.
On the ride home from Bible study, Clara was listening as I told her about my bittersweet feelings toward leaving for a month. She brought up a very good point.
“Well, just think of it this way; you’ll have people you know wherever you go.”
Thank you, Clara, for verbally thwapping me upside the head and reminding me of just how blessed I am.
Though I am very torn, I now feel like a doofus for actually being somewhat sad about this whole thing. Why on earth am I sad? God has practically taken the heavenly Bucket o’ Blessings and poured it over my head ever since I first stepped into International Baptist Church, since I first walked to the subway station. Sometimes I just get so wrapped up in my own feelings that I forget how absolutely wonderful my life is.
As I sit here writing I just can’t get over how different my life is now compared to the day I left for college. I know I make this comparison a lot, but wow! First day of classes: “Oh my goodness what was I thinking? I don’t belong here! I can’t do this! God, what were You thinking by sending me to this terrible place?” Today: “Oh my goodness I don’t want to leave! God, I’m just getting into the swing of things and now You’re taking me away?”
Yes, Hunter; please, conveniently forget that you’re getting a month off of school, you’re spending Christmas with your loving family, just to come back to the City to go skiing with your other family, and then starting more classes that you’re going to be challenged in. Please, continue to mope about your emotions.
Oh I am a fickle child.
I don’t mean to get all corny and guilt-trippy on you but some people don’t have ANYONE to spend Christmas with, yet I have my biological family, my second family (both in the Sticks), and my third family (in the City). Besides, it’s not like I’m going to leave and they won’t be here when I get back…and even if some of them aren’t, I’ll still see them eventually.
God is awesome. He gives me so much that I don’t even know what to do with all of it. I guess that’s what it means when it says “my cup overflows.” 🙂 And all of these things, both the wonderful things (meeting my church family, being able to witness to my classmates and my professors) and the not-so-wonderful things (not getting enough sleep, Satan’s attacks) never would have happened if I had sat back, crossed my arms over my chest, and done what I thought was best for me. I don’t know what’s best for me, clearly.
But God does 🙂
“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” —Psalm 23:5,6, ESV