I hate writer’s block.
It is possibly one of the most annoying things on the face of the planet.
It’s especially frustrating when the quality of your homework depends on your skill of writing and being able to send forth a constant flow of imagination. I think writer’s block is part of the Fall, just like mosquitoes and turf fields. Yup.
Last night, my RA came in and we talked for a while. She told me, because I don’t have a roommate, there’s a possibility I might be moving to a different dorm. She used the term “consolidating,” or putting me with someone else who doesn’t have a roommate. THAT should be interesting. She also helped me send in a work order for someone to come and set traps in my room, even though I really didn’t want to do it. Cedric is my only company (other than God, obviously)! I can’t kill him! But then I have to remind myself that mice are pests when they’re not being fed to a pet snake or sitting in a cage at your local PetSmart. But still…it’s Cedric, people.
Today while I was working on a project or two, trying to overcome my writer’s block with very slow progress, I got an email from my academic advisor. It was a call for all writing majors who wanted to write for the school newspaper. Without even thinking about it, I told him I’d do it. Now that I AM thinking about it, I’m wondering if it was a good idea. They’ll probably want me to write about secular things without including God or religion or anything to do with my personal beliefs…but you know what, I don’t know what’s going to happen, but God does. I know that He’ll be there with me and that He has control over the situation anyway. It might be difficult, but it’ll be okay.
I skyped with my mom tonight, and it was much more refreshing than I thought it would be. Talking to her made me see how similar our struggles are. Lately I’ve been feeling just, well, stuck. I just feel like I’m not going anywhere. I feel like I should be getting people saved every day and encouraging people every time I talk to them and talking about God every time I see another human soul! But then I remember that patience is a virtue.
Oh but it’s so discouraging! Am I going to give up? Of course not! I just feel like I’m on one side of a battlefield, a soldier looking out across the desolation to the other side, the side where Satan sits with all of his everything, not paying attention to me for the time being. God, my General, my Leader, comes up behind me and places a hand on my shoulder.
“Why is it so quiet? I don’t like it,” I say to Him. I know He’s smiling.
“You must be patient.”
“Be patient for what? What are we waiting for?” I grumble to Him. He turns me to face Him. I have to close my eyes to keep myself from being blinded by His magnificence. Though He is light, love, and freedom, I hold on to my frustration.
“There will be many battles to come. For now you must rest and prepare and train.”
“But when will I be ready? When will the next challenge be? Why can’t I fight now?”
“Daughter. You must trust that I know when you will be ready. I am preparing you for a battle much larger and much more challenging than what you face now. You must be patient and wait on Me. You must trust me.”
There are times, it seems, when everything is quiet, but it’s not a peaceful quiet; there are times when it seems like you’re just waiting for something, anything to happen. You’re waiting for the Enemy to make a move or for God to make a move, but all you can do is wait. As you sit there on your battlefield, whether it be New York City or a small town, your work place or your home, your marriage or your singleness, your past or your future, you grow anxious and itch for action. You get angry and frustrated that God isn’t doing something, even though there are things going on that you can’t see.
But then, when you think you’re going to go crazy with restlessness, you hear a whisper. It tells you to pick up your sword and begin sharpening it, to grab your shield and repair it, to take your shoes and sew the soles back on, to take your breast plate and embellish it with stones and sharp things, to get ready for what is to come, whatever it may be. And though you still find yourself anxious, the meditative sharpening of your sword reminds you that even in the off-season, even when both sides of the battlefield are quiet, things beyond your control are moving. And you need to be ready.
“But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those who are mature (in Christ) think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.” —Philippians 3:13, 14, ESV