There’s a thing that God does; sometimes He gives you exactly what you want while simultaneously hitting you hard with exactly what you need.
Ironically, I read John 8 this morning, which contains the verse “you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” This idea of freedom stuck with me for the rest of the day and still inundates my mind as I write.
For some reason, I have been extremely tired and it’s been really difficult for me to get out of bed in time for devotions, getting ready, and then class time, not because I’m being lazy but because my body feels like it’s filled with lead. Also, later this afternoon I felt very nauseated and I still do…I really hope I’m not getting sick. But if I do, I hope it will pass quickly 🙂
This morning in Word, Usage, and Style we had to read our essays written about the place we call our home, or where we feel most like ourselves.
I ate sushi for lunch (which I’ve done almost every day since coming back to the City) and then went to my dorm and slept some more. In Writer’s Studio, I found it difficult to concentrate and difficult to focus, but I managed to suppress my exhaustion and contribute to discussion.
I handed in my Prattler article today and I’m not going to lie about how absolutely nervous I am. I’ve never written a magazine article before, and though I’m relatively confident about my unrevised product, I’m not sure what the editor of Prattler considers to be quality work. I guess we’ll find out! 🙂
So, I was supposed to move into my new dorm yesterday. I chose not to blog about yesterday because, well, let’s just say I was way too overemotional and frustrated to allow myself the opportunity to hyperbolize my situation. You’re welcome.
Anyway, I moved almost everything out and Bree was helping me. We were on our third trip out of my dorm and she went to close the door and I heard a subtle “click.” I knew I should’ve been more aware of it but I played ignorance instead. When we returned to get the rest of my things, however, I found my door locked, my keys and ID inside. Bree claimed to have been nowhere near the door. I became inwardly angry all of a sudden, but quickly calmed down when I realized how ridiculous I was being. I couldn’t figure out what my problem was.
So I unpacked all of my everything and eventually got back into my dorm, only after finding out I wasn’t supposed to move in until Thursday.
So, I guess it was a good thing I got locked out of my dorm, otherwise I would be where I wasn’t supposed to be when I wasn’t supposed to be there. I’m sort of between rooms right now, but that’s okay; things will be back to normal soon.
After Studio I tried to do some homework and then got ready for and went to Women’s Bible study. I arrived there early and sat in the sanctuary reading The Return of the King (FINALLY!!!).
I talked to Pastor, to Arial, to Rosie, to Heidi, and to many others. It felt really refreshing 🙂 The Bible study started similarly to my mom’s. We started by getting coffee and snacks, learning everyone’s names, and just getting to know each other.
But it was when we all fell silent to watch Beth Moore preach on the TV that I was hit full force with an answer to one of my biggest questions: God, what is Your plan for me?
God’s plan for me is freedom.
Beth Moore was used by God in a way that cosmically woke me up, and we haven’t even gotten started. By the end of this Bible study, I will not be the same, and, as Beth Moore said, “I will not recover from it.”
Everyone has bondage; everyone has insecurities, and there are things in my life that are so heavy and are so burdensome that I can’t imagine what life would be like without carrying them around on my back; I can’t imagine parting with them. But in my heart I know that God is going to do some serious rearranging in me, and I know it’s going to be painful and part of me thinks it’s impossible. Can I really live life without being in bondage to my past, to my own testimony, to my own fear?
When God wants to do something, when He wants to get into your business and put things where He wants them, where they’re supposed to be, He does it.
Here we go.