So, I figured out what my problem was. Well, it was the combination of a few things, actually.
1. I have been running non stop between classes, around homework, under devotions, and over eating, pun intended. This means I haven’t had time to go to the gym and workout or run off any steam or stress.
2. I have not been getting the proper amount of protein or the right amount of necessary nutrients (mostly because I’ve been eating only sushi, fruit, sweet things, and Special K, as my wonderful Aunt Joan pointed out 🙂 )
3. Caffeine makes me an angry person.
A very long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, I weighed roughly forty to fifty pounds more than I do now. Part of my problem was my intake of greasy meat (burgers, sausage, bacon, etc.), caffeine (dark sodas, chocolate), and simple sugars (donuts, cereal, gummy candy). The other part of my problem was my lack of exercise. I think the most exercise I got was folding laundry and lifting the wet clothes from the washer to put them in the dryer.
When I wanted to be healthier, I stopped drinking soda altogether. I began playing sports. I became a regular runner. My emotions flattened out and were less all over the place (this happened partly because of taking care of my body but mostly because of God’s stabilizing affect on my heart and mind). And now I’m here 😀
Why am I telling you all this? Well, it turns out that coffee contains a much larger amount of caffeine than soda. I drank French pressed coffee twice on Sunday, and then drank a caramel frappuccino and a cup of regular coffee yesterday. So yeah, caffeine makes me a crazy angry person, and I don’t like it…so no more French press 😦 But it’s okay 🙂 it’s probably better for me anyway.
The sushi thing. I love sushi, and while it is very good for me, it’s not good enough for me on it’s own. I need to eat real meat and real food. Again, if I get nothing else out of my time in college, I’ll at least know what I can and can’t do as far as eating and taking care of my body is concerned.
Last night when I was trying to fall asleep, I could feel the disorganization of the room. Because I’m between rooms right now, I haven’t bothered to organize the few things still left in my dorm. But I couldn’t fall asleep until the trash had been taken out, my books were on the shelves, and my clothes folded and in their appropriate drawers. So I did all of that and finally went to sleep, still feeling sick and wondering if I’d be well enough to go to school the next day.
When I woke up this morning, it was raining and the huge amounts of snow that have infiltrated the limited space of the City were melting into icy slush. I was tempted to just stay in bed, but then I remembered I had a new Bible study to work on.
As I walked through day one with Beth Moore, I nearly started crying. There’s nothing like doing a Bible study, and I have missed it so much. I’ve needed it for some time, and I’m pretty sure God knew this before I did.
I learned that deprecating yourself is a form of pride, and it reminded me of the time my mother told me that worrying is a sin, because you’re basically calling God a liar. I had never thought of it that way.
There was one point in the study as Beth began talking about pride and its effects on King Uzziah when I wrote in the margin all of the things I held in pride, negative and positive, and I realized that one blow had been dealt to my pride, to the wall of bondage that exists around my heart, with many more to come.
I went to class only to find out that there was no class until two. I couldn’t believe it…God was giving me too much. I went and ran three miles in thirty-two minutes, showered and made myself feel comfortable and completed my Studio homework.
Last night, before I had figured out why I was so emotional, I had sobbed over the fact that my laptop would not connect to the Internet. Yes, I sobbed. It was pathetic. I also wrote down all of the things that made me angry…this morning when I glanced over it I blushed. The thingy is, God was still listening to me even though I was blind with anger, even though I was throwing words around without meaning them. And then this morning He gave me extra time to relax and get my head back on my shoulders, even though I didn’t deserve it at all. Sometimes when I get all meh with my emotions and life is kind of grey, I like someone to take care of me in the after time when I’m quiet and contemplative. God did that for me. Today was the after time of my little anger episode, and He very gently and tenderly took care of me.
When I went to Prattler, I was told my piece was fantastic. I only needed to give the names of the people I’d quoted and make the necessary grammatical changes. As I worked on it, I realized on of the people who’d edited my paper had taken out all of my Lord of the Rings references…I died a little inside. But then the advisor said he loved it and I should keep it in. So I did 😀
Most of the people there were talking about a sorts of disgusting and disturbing things, so while I was typing up my final draft, I plugged in my headphones and shut it all out.
We discussed photographs and such and then we all left. This meeting was actually kind of fun 🙂
The rest of the night I spent doing homework, relaxing, trying to calm down my brain. It was really nice, all of it. God just totally blessed me with today, and He didn’t have to. I was all emotionally weird and my body and brain were strained; He gave me time to spend with Him, time to work of some steam by running as fast as I possibly could for three miles, and time to get my work done and to take my time doing it. Thank You, Jesus, for being a breath of fresh air.