Have you ever had one of those days where nothing really horrible happened but nothing really good happened so you’re left wondering how in the world you’re supposed to feel? I had one of those days today.
So, change makes me nervous. I don’t know why, maybe because some times it’s difficult to see whether the change will be positive or negative. To judge what kind it is, I’ve been thinking, “will this ultimately bring me closer to God?”
After the past week, something changed in me…I’m not trying to sound all mystical or dramatic but it happened. I guess it caught me off guard because I had (silly me) expected just to, well, stay the same throughout college. But this isn’t what’s happening.
I’m growing up, and I don’t know if I like it or not. Suddenly everything I planned is up in the air and uncertain, and while I might formulate new plans based on my circumstances, everything is unsure. I have to wonder how it’s all going to go down, how my future is going to turn out. But it’s not what’s going to happen that makes me confused, but rather the change that’s happening right now.
But see, change is inevitable in life. Humanity is temporary, but God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, so even though the change is uncomfortable, I can lean on the One thing that’s always familiar to me, the One pivot point in my life that I can lean on.
It was when I was skyping with my family that I realized this. Mom said something about my making a decision and “you’re an adult now,” and my sister laughed, saying, “pssh, Hunter? An adult? Yeah, okay.”
I mean, she’s right; I’m not an adult yet, but I have been having to make some pretty adult decisions and these decisions, even the small ones, have changed me in a weird way that I can’t describe.
This morning was interesting. I woke up in Jenny and Rebecca’s house and left once I woke. I said goodbye to Rebecca (Jenny was still asleep) and began walking to the subway, yes, in my pajamas. Then I got back to the dorm, did my Bible study, ate breakfast, and went to class, yes, in my pajamas….well, at least I can check that off my list of things to do in college: “Go to class in your pajamas.” Check.
There’s not actually a list and even if there was, that would definitely not be on it. I would like to go to Denny’s or IHOP in my pajamas, preferably at two in the morning with a bunch of friends, but that’s a COMPLETELY different story.
Bible study this morning was about enjoying God’s presence…God is everywhere, and there’s no way to escape Him. He sees everything, and He’s always with you. Sometimes, especially when you’re busy or when lots of things are changing (like for me right now), you can forget God is there. He doesn’t always put the evidence of His presence smack dab in your face: sometimes, most times, you have to look for it.
I don’t know if I’ve ever struggled with enjoying God’s presence…I must have at some point, since I’m human, but I can’t remember (save my BC time). God is enjoyable. Even when I’m angry or I’m resisting His plan or “telling” Him how things are going to go down, I still enjoy His presence…I don’t know what I would do if suddenly He wasn’t there anymore.
“Hunter, He’s invisible, how can you even tell He’s there? He could leave and you wouldn’t even know it.”
God’s word says “and I will be with you until the end of time.” God’s word is infallible and unchanging, solid as a rock…therefore, God IS always with me: His word says so. Again, it’s not based off of what I think or what I believe but rather what God says in His word.
All morning, even in World Literature, I was thinking about what happened yesterday with Chris and Rebecca at the Brooklyn Commune.
“God, I don’t know if I did the right thing.”
“He didn’t get saved, so what was the point of sharing my story?”
But then I remembered that, even if Chris never comes to know Christ, even if he never decides he wants a relationship with Jesus more than anything else, the important thing is that I obeyed. It would’ve been totally easy just to walk away and not listen to the Holy Spirit, but I did.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not trying to elevate my actions, but rather explain the importance of obedience. The thing is, there were some days when I was little and Mom would tell me to do something, and even though I didn’t FEEL like doing it, I obeyed because I love her. Similarly, even though I was very intimidated by Chris asking for our stories, even though my emotions didn’t line up with what God wanted me to do, I did it anyway. So even if you just don’t FEEL like witnessing to someone, asking a question about someone, doing your devotions, being kind, or being honest, do it anyway.
Today I began conducting my research for my Creation v. Evolution article. I asked some of the girls in my major and as I asked people, I got the general answer of, “I don’t know enough about either to sway either way.” This really scared me: how many people just accept what people tell them about science instead of researching it on their own?
At the end of the day I asked Carly (a girl in my dorm) the same question, and later on in the afternoon she came into my dorm and she, Bree, and I had a great conversation. I learned a lot about Judaism (because she’s Jewish) and Carly asked a lot of good questions. Her answer concerning Creation v. Evolution was fascinating:
“While the practical, realistic part of me believes in evolution, I would like to believe in the creation story.”
Interesting. Maybe it’s because the creation talked about in Genesis gives hope and purpose, while evolution seems to progress until the world explodes without ever having an actual purpose in our existence…
I spent the evening doing homework, checking things off my to-do list, and thinking about everything. I’ve been thinking about overthinking again…I really need to stop that.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 ESV
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.