Going home is like taking off cold, wet clothes and putting on warm, dry ones. You feel comfortable enough to fall asleep, to put yourself in your most vulnerable state. God was really thinking when He came up with the home.
I feel much better now, much more like myself 🙂 This morning’s study was all about the obstacle of prayerlessness, how it often gets in the way of growing closer to God. Beth Moore does this thing where she takes a verse and has us negate it. The verse she pointed us to was Philippians 4:6, which is “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” She asked us to negate it to form the lie about worry that we normally form in our brains. She said this:
“Do not be calm about anything, but in everything, by dwelling on it constantly and feeling picked on by God, with thoughts like ‘and this is the thanks I get,’ present your aggravations to everyone you know but Him. And the acid in your stomach, which transcends all milk products, will cause you an ulcer, and the doctor bills will cause you a heart attack and you will lost your mind.”
Wow. I’m pretty sure that sums up my entire thought process when it comes to doubt and worry. Thank you, Beth Moore, for putting it so eloquently.
But it’s true. Whenever it comes to worry, we often do pretty much everything but pray. We don’t say, “God, we got a problem…well I do at least. I’m really afraid and worried about this thing.” Just tell Him what’s going on! The Bible says “make your requests known to God.”
In Ephesians 1:17-23, there’s basically a list of things that come from praying to God often and hanging out with Him. The benefits are a Spirit of wisdom, revelation of knowledge of God, the enlightenment of the eyes of our hearts, knowledge of the hope He’s given us, what our inheritance is, and the immeasurable greatness and power of He. I feel like we all need a little bit (or a lot) of most if not all of those. I know I do.
Prayer is the greatest weapon in the world of spiritual warfare. In Ephesians 6:18, Paul says, “With this (the armor of God and the days when Satan is all over the place) in mind, be alert and always keep on praying.” Notice he doesn’t say “keep on fighting.” I think this is so because prayer is a weapon, and not just any weapon, but the most powerful weapon we have in this life. Praying is the only way to fight victoriously in this battle against the flesh, against the world, and against the enemy. Deep I know, but hey, it be happenin’.
After church today, Mom and I headed to the train station. We went to Panera for lunch. She wanted to go to a hole-in-the-wall place but I asked if we could go somewhere familiar. While I do love adventure and trying new things, sometimes I just need things that are familiar.
Fighting against my desire to not have to depend on or be open with anyone other than family, I asked my church family if someone wouldn’t mind coming to meet me at the station. Clara said she would be glad to meet me. When she asked me if everything was all right I very honestly said that it wasn’t, but that it would be eventually.
After lunch, my Mom and I rushed to catch the train only to find out it was an hour and a half late. So we went to Dunkin Donuts, drank sweet tea, and worked (I had to do things, she had to do things).
I went ahead and emailed the Prattler people and asked them if I could illustrate the Creation v. Evolution article instead of them putting it up to the publication classes. They said yes and so I was working on the sketches while Mom was doing her Bible study.
An hour and a half later I got on the train. I wrote in my journal, telling God about how the woman next to me was talking about agave (a sugar substitute) to the person on the other end of her phone. I remembered the first time I heard of agave. It was my first week in The City, and Sam and Maria were taking me to David’s Tea. They used agave there and their tea was really good 🙂
I talked to Him about how I was afraid but I believed in Him, believed He is who He says He is and that His plan for me is good and hopeful and prosperous. He’s got this; I just have to get out of the way and let Him be the strong one, since I’m so weak. Pratt is one of if not the toughest art/writing school in the country, arguably the world. It’s also one of the most secular schools in the country, it seems to me. But of course I’ve never been to any secular colleges other than Pratt, at least not as a student, so my judgement is slightly biased. What I’m doing is not easy. I get that. But things worth doing never are.
I spent the train ride working on my novel, sleeping (quite comfortably I might add), and of course writing in my journal. When I arrived at the station I met Clara at the Krispy Kreme and she gave me a big hug and bought me a donut and some hot chocolate.
As we talked and I told her everything (everything), she pointed out that I can’t control what people say or do or how they act. I can only control how I react to it all. This was a duh moment for me because I had forgotten this truth. God is the only one capable of changing anyone. I can’t do that. The only thing I can do is be me and follow God. Oh, right.
I was so thankful for Clara, so glad I didn’t have to travel alone. When I got back to my dorm, I wrote in my journal and talked to God some more about my fears, my understanding, everything. It felt so good. I unpacked and cleaned up and listened to music. I also had a really good talk with Maria and was encouraged by her. I was also soon after encouraged by my pastor’s wife, Julie. It was much needed.
At this point I’m just all-around exhausted, spiritually, mentally, and physically, but I’m comfortable, just because everything is right between me and God and I can rest easy finally, not having to feel trapped by my own worries, because He can handle it.
This week should be fun 🙂 I’m kind of excited about it 🙂 for some weird reason I really want to find a hiking club, but that’s beside the point. In two weeks it’s mid-terms, and right after that is Spring Break. Here we go! 🙂
“Do not laugh at me, my enemies, for though I have fallen I will get back up. Though I sit in the dark, the Lord is my light.” —Micah 7:8