Writer’s Block Part 2: The Undiagnosed Psychological Disorder

I just want to thank God for hot showers and long afternoon naps, for orange juice and fresh notebook paper, for warm weather and for clean hair, all the things He doesn’t have to give us but chooses to give us anyway. I sometimes forget how absolutely spoiled I am by my heavenly Father.

Last night Gollum found a way up to the top of Bree’s closet and began nibbling on her food again, and I was already struggling to get to sleep. I ripped the covers off of me, switched on my lamp, stomped over to Bree’s closet and hit the door until the mouse left her food alone. Then, I took all of her food and shoved it into the refrigerator, regardless of what it was. Gollum stopped bugging it after that.

When I woke up this morning I was exhausted and I didn’t feel good. I told God about how unprepared I felt for my World Literature mid-term, about how I couldn’t focus and my brain was sluggish. I talked to Him about how I didn’t like where my short story was going and how I was going to delete it (which I did). I then got dressed and ate a pop-tart and headed to my doom.

The lecture hall was like a sauna. It was so hot, and at one point I felt like I was going to faint, considering my body wasn’t cooperating to begin with. The mid-term, thankfully, wasn’t as difficult or terrifying as I thought it would be, and even though I had been nervous about it, God brought the things I’d studied to my memory and I was able to answer all of the questions accordingly.

After the mid-term, I checked my mail and found that I’d received a letter from Hannah ๐Ÿ™‚ I read it and it filled my heart with delight and encouragement. I’ll be visiting them over Spring Break. I can’t wait to see them; I miss them all very much.

I returned to my dorm then and I took a long hot shower. Promptly after my shower I changed into comfortable clothing, cracked open the window to let the cold air in, and I took a nap, sleeping through lunch. When I woke up an hour later, my eyes shot wide open and I jumped out of bed, absolutely shocked at how much energy I had. I felt ten billion times better and I thanked God over and over for it. I had been really miserable beforehand. It’s amazing what a nap and a hot shower can do ๐Ÿ™‚

Through Critical Thinking & Writing I experienced a gnawing hunger because I’d missed lunch, but I was much more appreciative of the energy I had from sleeping. After that class I went and grabbed food, eventually heading back to my dorm and doing my Bible Study.

I have interesting news to share. Yesterday, while I was talking to Mom, she told me that I had been asked to apply to be a counselor at a Christian summer camp called BaYouCa (Baptist Youth Camp), which is something I’ve wanted to do forever. When she told me that, I was dumbfounded. So I’m going to apply for that and see what happens….if I do end up being a counselor, that’ll be an entirely new adventure ๐Ÿ™‚

So, I sat down to work on my short story again. The first one, after discussing it with Hannah, began to bother me. While I enjoy reading some fantasy (as you can see from my numerous Lord of the Rings references), I don’t always enjoy writing it. I usually like delving into mythology and learning new things just for the sake of learning, but something felt wrong about this particular story. I’m not saying using mythology is sinful, after all C.S. Lewis used heavy mythology in his spiritual allegoryย The Chronicles of Narnia. My short story involved a dark family curse, a witch, and a domoviyr (like a faery, looks like a male elf), outside of being used as spiritual allegory. But as I wrote the story, the Holy Spirit pulled in the opposite direction. It’s not that I believe in any of the mythology, but I suddenly felt like I was being convinced otherwise, which made me back off immediately from the topic. This reminded me that Satan uses everything to trip me up, even my own writing and my own research. Here he was using specific mythology.

When I tried writing another story, it sounded too much like everyone else I read in class, every story we discussed, and it bothered me. So I left the page blank and stared at it for about twenty minutes. Eventually I left my dorm and went to Zumba, because I just couldn’t get past this spell of Writer’s Block, and I was running out of time.

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Upon returning, I felt much more ready to take on the task of writing a short story in three days. I sat, thinking and thinking, until I just let myself write about what I wanted to write instead of writing about what I thought people would like. Do you remember that post called “I Am El?” Well, I wanted to write off of that. So I did ๐Ÿ™‚ and I’m really enjoying it. Reading This Present Darkness is really putting me in a spiritual warfare mindset, and it’s reminding me (while the book obviously contains tons of speculation) that there is a very real battle going on beneath everything. So I’m writing about that ๐Ÿ™‚

I just love writing. It’s just amazing what I get to do with writing…it’s amazing I get to write and learn how to write and learn about literature and the literary world every day in school. I mean, how amazing is that? Pretty darn! Even though things are a little rough here, I’ve still been blessed with this study of writing, with a great church family and support system, with people who love me, with a beautiful campus, with New York City, and with a God who never leaves me, never forsakes me, and always brings the best out in me.

I want to tell you that there are more things happening in these days that I’m writing here. Some of them are really surprising, most of them are stories of other people and miracles of God concerning those people. But I want to tell you that, even though I haven’t told you about the events specifically, God is doing crazy things here, crazy things in my life, that I can’t explain or describe. It’s really cool ๐Ÿ™‚ Maybe one day I’ll use my experiences, use the stories of others, use my time here, as a way to show others that God is not dead, that He is very active and ready, and that He’s training His children to fight, to love, to protect, and to serve, and He’s coming.

I think my favorite thing (one of my favorite things, because there’s a lot) about God is that He’s not afraid to challenge me, like seriously challenge me, to make me better. He doesn’t dance around what He’s trying to say. In His word, He is loud and clear about who He wants me to be and how He wants me to act. He is completely transparent with His will for me and my life, regardless of the lack of specifics (who, what, when, where, why). I love it when God is clear, and even when He’s not, even when He doesn’t tell me what the plan is, I love Him then too. I may struggle (which is totally obvious, as you can see) and I may doubt, but God always comes out on top, my fears and failures crushed beneath His feet, because my God is Great ๐Ÿ™‚

“Our God is greater,

Our God is stronger,

God, You are higher than any other.

Our God is healer

Awesome in power

Our God, our God.”

Our God, by Chris Tomlin

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About newminority16

Hi, my name is Hunter. I very often make random comments about bacon and how chocolate is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy :) So, before I started this blog, I was getting ready to make one of the biggest decisions of my life: college. God led me to go to a secular college in New York City, a place I was deathly afraid of. It's followed me through those years at college straight into married life and becoming a military spouse, all while seeking to following Christ and know God better and share Him with others. This blog is a way for you to go with me through these adventures, through being a Christian in a world that's forgotten its Creator.
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