“God’s love is far greater than any earthly relationship could ever hope to be.”
“Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation. When his breath departs, he returns to the earth; on that very day his plans perish.”
“No one has ever done more to show you that you were unloved than God has done to show you that you are loved.”
It seems like during just the last couple of days, these truths have been placed in front of me, as if to remind me, as my friendships and other relationships grow more intimate, that even though people may love me and I may love them, God will always reign above them all.
The thing about God is that when He fills up your heart with the Holy Spirit and then, through the bearing of the fruits of this spirit, His glorious love, everything you get from other people is just overflow. God’s love has you wanting for nothing. I mean, yeah, as human beings we’re not made to be alone. We need friendship, fellowship, and relationship to survive, to flourish. But I’m saying that, with God’s love, there are no empty places in your heart to fill. This is the cup that runs over.
Today I woke up and went to go to the lounge, but when I walked out of the door there was a splattered pile of vomit on the hallway carpet. It is a GOOD thing that I have absolutely no gag reflex otherwise we would’ve had a problem. Anyway, so I walked past the pile and opened the door to the lounge and I was greeted by an even bigger pile of vomit and I just about lost it.
I did my Bible Study in my room.
Today was all about the failure to believe God’s unfailing love. It’s so easy to tell others that God loves them. You, reader, whether you believe His son died for you or not, God loves you. But it is really difficult to comprehend, to wrap my mind around God’s loving of me. Why would He love me? I have nothing to offer Him, nothing that can benefit Him. Even my greatest works are but filthy rags to Him. So why? Because God is love. For Him not to love me would mean He would have to stop existing. Period.
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” (1 John 4:7,8)
God is the embodiment of love. I can’t imagine love being an actual thing I can touch. I can see the evidence of love, I can see the healing results and hear the encouraging songs of love, but I can’t imagine some physical thing being love. But then I remember that “God is not one of us.” It’s so easy to put God in a human box and water Him down to where He’s manageable for our ridiculously tiny brains. But when you realize that God is outside ANYTHING you could discern just from your senses, from your emotions, you catch a small glimpse of who God really is, and you see that He’s way more than you could ever imagine.
After Bible Study, I went and worked out with Bree for an hour or so. Afterwards I hopped in the shower, got changed, and headed out to meet Edward at a soccer field near the church.
It was absolutely gorgeous outside, and when I stepped out to walk to the train, I again wondered why God would find me so special to give me such a beautiful day, to make me part of it even though I’m so small.
After getting on the wrong train, walking to where the soccer fields actually were, and meeting up with Edward and Lexi (one of my pastor’s children :)), we found a spot that wasn’t covered with excited soccer moms, energetic children, and wildly flying sports equipment.
We ran around and jumped and played soccer, until the three of is were completely worn out. We took Lexi home and I went and hung out with Edward, watching a soccer game at his house and talking to his mom about upstate New York.
The two of us met up later with Precilla and Antoinette and the four of us headed to the Brooklyn Museum. I was already exhausted.
My ankles were aching, but while we were walking through the museum and I was picked on and loved on by my friends, I didn’t think about it as much. During this time, Satan was really trying to mess with me, contradicting all of what I knew to be true about God and about earthly friendships.
“See, your friends are so great and so much fun you really don’t even need to check in with God and know what He wants you to do.”
While I was looking at an Egyptian mummy, I made a face at nothing and thought, “Really? My friends, despite how much I love them, really don’t know me the way God does. They’re going to fall and fall hard. They sin, they hurt people, they’re human. God is beyond it all. I do need Him. Without God’s grace, I would fall apart.”
After that I didn’t have anymore problems. We headed out around 10:30pm. I was close enough to walk to campus so I said goodnight to everyone and then headed home.
On the walk home, I had a lot of time to think. So I did. I thought about the museum, about the future, about my time, about God, about how things were changing and how I was kind of nervous about it all. Things were just falling into my lap. The counseling job this summer is one of them. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do but wasn’t even looking to do. It just happened. A few other things have happened this way too and I suddenly feel very…out of control.
I don’t personally feel out of control, like a wild animal, but I feel like my life is going on without me and there’s nothing I can do about it.
But when I returned to my dorm and hoisted myself up into bed (not without extreme difficulty, considering the exhaustion in my legs and the weakness in my ankles) I realized that even if I felt like I didn’t have any control, God has control over it.
God is in control.
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.” —1 John 4:18a, ESV