“Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” -1 Timothy 4:12
I’m most certainly the most clumsy person on the face of the planet. But at least God has gifted me with the ability to laugh at myself 🙂 Often, when I physically fall, people will either laugh as I laugh, or gasp and run to my aid while I laugh. Those who know me tend to do the former whereas people who are newer to this side of me will do the latter. God is completely different. Whenever I fall spiritually, while He’s certainly disappointed, He always very calmly lifts me up with both of His hands and sets me gently back on my feet, knowing that I’ll never be the same and that His beautiful plan for me has once again been interrupted, but loving me no less than He did before.
So even if the worst possible things happen—I end up on the streets, I go out with someone I’m not supposed to, I make a poor career decision, I completely turn away from God and become an atheist—God will still use me. Even if I get confused and I can’t quite see where God is leading me, or I do see but don’t follow, God will still love me. Talk about unfair.
I woke up and took a shower this morning before starting in on my devotions. There are times when I make decisions that I’m not sure of, times when the Holy Spirit knocks on my heart and reminds me of God’s plan for me. This morning when I sat down with my pen and my open journal, instead of trying to hide behind justifications of compromise on a decision, I just told Him exactly what I knew.
“God, this is ridiculous. I know exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m not going to sit here and justify and lie about my intentions when they’re plain before You. I don’t know if the future is going to pan out the way I think it will, but I know that You know. Please guide me in righting this decision, in trusting in Your perfect timing.”
So, after this talk, I had a lot to think about. On the way to church, since I felt like I had been walking for three days straight, I nearly fell asleep on the train. I just didn’t feel like myself.
This morning in Sunday School, Sam talked about how what little decisions we make (what we let into our brains) will ultimately effect the big decisions. It reminded me of The Best Question Ever by Andy Stanley. Spoiler: the best question ever is “what is the wise thing to do?” So, deciding with the big picture in mind is the idea, but the bigger idea is to think like God thinks about you. When God leads you to do something, He’s not just looking at the moment, but rather the entire grand plan of your life and how it fits into the lives of others.
In morning service, Pastor kicked off this month’s sermon series. The theme of the year is Perfect Love, going off of 1 John 4:18. Last month was all about different kinds of fear and how God destroyed those on the cross and how Jesus experienced them in His earthly ministry. This month is broken up into four parts: the Gospel, the Garden, the Cross, and the Payment. A bunch of us in the church were asked to write narratives for each of the sermons, and I was asked to write the narrative for the Cross, which will be read on Easter Sunday. Edward, Ray, and one other man in our church were asked to write the others.
Pastor talked about how the gospel, though it’s power is used to bring people to Christ, to save their souls not only from hell but especially from eternal separation from God, is also extremely necessary for the daily growth of the mature believer. I need the power of the gospel and the message of the gospel just as much as a new believer needs it. I need it every day. I need it to remind me why I do what I do, who I am in my God, what kind of princess I was born to be, why I trust God.
After morning service, Edward’s mother invited me to come over for a birthday party for Edward. A bunch of friends were going as well, so we all headed to Edward’s house after service. I helped set out food and serve and clean up (not because I was asked, just because I like doing that 🙂 ). I laughed and listened. When the cake came out, Adham and Adam got Edward right on the nose with a big glob of frosting. The whole celebration was a lot of fun 😀
At one point, Edward had gone outside the house to greet his neighbors and their dog, and he ended up locking himself out. So when he knocked on the door, I very enthusiastically ran through the dining room and the living room area to get the door for him. I was wearing tights, however, which meant when I hit the hardwood floor of the foyer, I totally wiped out and landed on my back.
I began laughing, but all of the guys in the room were so taken aback that they didn’t even know how to respond. Adham came over and helped me up, simultaneously opening the door for Edward. It was so embarrassing but so absolutely funny, because it’s just amazing how clumsy I am.
After a long discussion about myriad topics, the bunch of us headed out to go to the movies. I had never attended a movie theater in The City, so I was kind of excited 🙂 we went to see Captain America: Winter Soldier.
It. Was. Awesome.
Afterwards we went to this southern restaurant that has really good ribs and tasty pork pudding and collared greens. They even brought out a peanut butter and jelly cupcake with a candle on it for Edward. The long night finally came to an end, and when I arrived at my dorm, I stretched myself out on the floor and just talked to God. I felt like, for some reason, I hadn’t talked to Him in a very long time.
Tomorrow begins a very long week filled with studying, talking, more studying, praying (a ridiculously large amount), and running all over the place like a crazy person. Next weekend is playing more soccer, a sleepover at Jenny and Rebecca’s, and the next sermon in the series, the Garden. I don’t think I’ve ever asked for prayer before on my blog, but right now I feel like I should. I need prayer for courage, for honesty, for truth, for understanding and strengthening of my character through God’s grace and love and mercy. I need prayer for remembrance of God’s plan for my life, for bravery in my passionate pursuit of Him.
“‘For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but My steadfast love shall not depart from you, and My covenant of peace shall not be removed,’ says the Lord, who has compassion on you.” —Isaiah 54:10, ESV