Satan will do anything he can to frustrate me to the point where I don’t want to spend time with God. He will pick and pull and yank at my heart and mind until I’m blind with anger. I’m pretty sure that’s what happened today.
For some reason, as of late, I have been under constant attack from the enemy and I’ve just been spiritually exhausted. It probably doesn’t help that classes and time and such has been such an issue. Last night I was seriously contemplating just canceling all of my church activities and just not spending time with anyone except my laptop and my books. But that’s just what Satan would want.
So today, moving through the hours and fighting against frustration and pressure and emotional grossness, I almost didn’t go to Bible Study. But as I was tackling my homework and trying to see past my feelings, I realized that I really needed to just spend time with God, just fellowship with my ladies. I needed me some Jesus.
I finished up the assignment I was working on and then got changed and made my way to the train station. I worked on homework while I was on the subway.
When I arrived at church, I was instantly glad I’d come. It was raining hard outside and my hair was doing this psychotic afro thing. I was also wearing my glasses, whereas I’ll normally wear my contacts, so I couldn’t see anything with raindrops and fog blocking my vision. I’m sure I was quite a sight 😛
While I was sitting in Bible Study, I found myself still being bombarded by lie after lie after lie and I wasn’t sure what to do with any of it. We discussed the homework and I tried to ignore my feelings but they just kept coming right back up to hit me harder.
The first thing Beth Moore said in the video was, “The only weapon of offense we have against the enemy is the sword of the Spirit.”
It’s so silly. I always say I want to know how to fight, how to battle my feelings and my emotions (the bad ones, not the healthy, natural ones), but I’m always gripping my sword in the sheath, threatening to fight but not actually gathering up the courage to do so. I need to remember that Satan is not going to take it easy on me. Just because I don’t fight back doesn’t mean he’s going to back down. It just means he’s going to kick me harder when I fall.
She brought us to a passage that I had never looked at before, shown us words that I had never laid eyes on in the word of God. 2 Timothy 3:1-7 says this:
“But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth.”
This passage made my eyes and ears shoot wide open, suddenly aware of my surroundings. I didn’t become aware only of the state of the world, but also the state of my heart. Self-discovery and self-expression are the message of almost every pop song, every book, every advertisement. We’re already in this time, so it’s not like we’re waiting for the last days to come (the days before the Second Coming of Christ). Hm.
As we read through, she stopped on one particular section. In her version (NIV) it said “without love” among the characteristics of the last days. This phrase, without love, in the Greek, means a lack of familial love, that love shared specifically between family members. The Greek word is astorgoi, meaning “hard-hearted toward kindred.” Children hate parents, parents separate, parents hate children.
Oh my gosh.
My family has been dragged through all sorts of nonsense, torn at the seams by the efforts of the enemy and ripped apart from within the walls of our own home. It’s truly a miracle we’re still intact, definitely, without a doubt, an act of God’s grace and love. Learning that there was prophesied a lack of familial love made me think a little bit: this is why Satan keeps attacking my family, this is why he has the jerk-face audacity to try and separate us…and that really ticks me off.
And then I went back to when we were learning about how, as children of God, Satan has absolutely no business messing with us, because God knows where he sleeps, and He will not let my abuser go unpunished. I am His girl, and He is a ferociously passionate protector of His daughters. How dare Satan think he can mess with my family and not be obliterated by my God.
And then….oh…and then when she went on to the blurb that says “those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth” (v. 6,7)
So, Satan targets weak-willed, little, easily-deceived, prone to temptation, women…I do not want to be that woman. I don’t want to be a woman who is weak morally but strong intellectually. I don’t want to be a woman who’s smart but does dumb things. No. I am a princess of the Most High King. I will not be a woman driven by her emotions, selfish in her actions, slanderous in her talk, swollen with her own ambitions and self-importance. I don’t want to be that way. I just want Jesus, I want to wear my grace-given title, my divine status, well, in a way that would please my Heavenly Father. I would challenge all young women to desire this. Weak-willed women….man.
Pastor and Melinda very kindly drove me to campus. When I arrived at my dorm, I skyped my mom and talked to her. I vented to her about how stressed I was with school, how burdened I was with the enemy’s attacks, and about Bible Study. When we were finished, I learned things I hadn’t known before, and I was far more encouraged than I thought I could be at this point in time.
I was challenged to be more than I’ve ever been today. I was challenged to be even more of a warrior than I already am, to not be a weak-willed woman, but to be a Spirit-empowered woman of God. When am I going to get it into my head that I am in a war??
My sword is drawn. I’m ready to fight.
“For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.”
—2 Corinthians 10:4,5, ESV