The moment I woke up this morning, I tackled The Beast in a climactic battle…
My World Literature term paper is officially finished.
I grabbed some Frosted Mini Wheats, took time to pray for patience and diligence and determination, and then started right in on it. Today was a lesson in remembering what’s really important. Sometimes, when I spend time with people, what they find important becomes what I find important, even if I had never once in my life thought those things to have any kind of importance. But God does this thing where He reminds me to just be myself in Him and to make what’s important to Him always important to me. Things are much easier then, because what’s important to God is always good and right and I never have to worry about putting my priorities in the wrong order, or having them change. He’s cool like that 🙂
My computer shut down twice. The internet stopped working many more times than that. I had to stop and put eyedrops into my pink eye. I did laundry. My yogurt was spoiled.
But, because I just let God be my priority and because I leaned on Him for patience and saw it as an opportunity to be patient, I really never got genuinely frustrated. Sure, about the fourth or fifth time my pictures I their frames fell off my shelf and onto my laptop I was startled and taken aback, but that’s pretty much the extent. God is so good.
When I finished the paper, I sent it to Edward and we had a really good discussion on it. He gave me insightful feedback that really helped.
Shannon, Bree’s friend, came in and out of the room during the morning, because Bree went home for Easter and Shannon’s roommate has a guest. Anyway, Shannon is staying in our dorm room while Bree is gone. I don’t mind it though 🙂 Shannon’s a really cool person.
Because I finished my term paper along with the majority of my assignments, I let myself go out with some friends to a Good Friday service in The City. The service was at a rented space, a Unitarian Church on Lexington Avenue.
Inside the church was breathtaking. Everything was white with dark wood trim. The pews looked similar to lowered cubicles with comfier seats, and there was a choir loft in the back, holding a gold and silver organ that made me want to listen to it, even though I’ve always had trouble finding in myself an appreciation for such an instrument.
We all sat down, and I continued to observe. I had to wear my glasses (it’s not quite safe for me to wear my contacts yet) and I couldn’t touch anybody. I also got a new best friend, and his name is Hand S. Anitizer. We’ve been hanging out a lot lately.
As the service started, I noted (this was another Redeemer service) once again the rigid structure of the service, how, even though the speakers preached biblical truths from a biblical worldview and nothing they said was unscriptural, it just felt so rehearsed. Regardless, as I listened to their words and read passages from my Bible, talking to God the whole time, thinking, the effect of the message was not lost on me.
By the end, when we were singing the final song, I almost began to cry, not because I was sad, but because I was reminded just how small I am. In the grand scheme of things, my problems and my struggles are very minute. My life is the blink of an eye. I will return to the ground in the same way I was made: as dust. And God knows this. He knows I’m dust. He loves dust. God loves dust.
He loves me.
As I sat in that pew, and as my glasses fogged up, I couldn’t help but wonder why. Why would such a God love me? Why me? I have done nothing but make Him hurt and bleed for my sake, yet He sent His son for me anyway. One of the speakers pointed out the time, in Luke chapter 22, when all of everyone is hurling insults at and taunting Jesus as He hangs bloodied and beaten and pierced on the cross. Jesus had been doing miracles and fulfilling the prophecy in Isaiah since he beginning of His ministry, but it was in this moment that people mockingly demanded proof.
I sometimes find myself in a situation where I’m just like, “God, give me a sign!” My high school English teacher and previous (but still lovingly wonderful) pastor’s wife used to say “Sometimes I wish God would write to me in the stars.” Yeah, pretty much.
But then I remember how out-of-the-way God went to show His unconditional love for humanity by sending His son, how He displayed is awesome power by bringing Him back from the dead, all operating marvelously within the Trinity. Wrap your head around that one.
Not only did He do this, but He does things to show me His love every day. Today, while my eye still stung a bit, the swelling and guck went almost completely away so I looked like a normal human being. I was able to complete one of the most daunting assignments on the face of the planet and actually feel confident about the end result. I was able to spend time with friends and to attend a Good Friday service, which, now that I think about it, I really needed. God makes obvious extensions of His grace, mercy, and love to me every. Single. Day. I just have to look for them 🙂
After the service, we all went to a diner for food. I wrote some of the time, listened to the music playing overhead, and engaged in conversation. I talked to God and prayed about everything, about the future, about the present, about what I want, and about what He wants me to do. Truth is, I don’t know all of the specifics, but I remember that I don’t need to, because I’m not the one driving.
When we were finished, everyone consented that our waiting service was bad (which it really actually was) and decided not to leave a tip. As they all walked out the door, I put the tip on the table, wondering where the generosity of Christians had gone, and praying God would restore it in me and push it forward. It’s all His anyway.
Edward was in the group, and he very kindly walked me back to campus after we got off the train. We talked about the service, about Redeemer, about doctrine, about church in general. It was a refreshing and much needed discussion.
When I got to my dorm, Shannon was waiting and I felt so bad for being late (she and I had consulted one another earlier in the day on what time we’d be back exactly) but she had used the time to read a book she’d been wanting to read, and she was completely cool with it, which, even though I still felt bad, made me feel much better 🙂
I had been itching to do my Bible study all day, even though our daily studies are just wrapping up our twelve-week study. I can’t believe it’s almost over already. But I’ve certainly grown through it…my goodness, I’ve been set free in ways I didn’t think were possible. Anyway, I pulled out my Bible study and moved half way through it, having to stop to make sure I got an adequate amount of sleep for the day awaiting me tomorrow.
Tomorrow is soccer and heading into The City with Jenny 🙂 I’m not sure what we’ll do, but she asked me to go with her, and I’m really looking forward to spending time with her 🙂 I have a really cool church family…I mean, I really do. Granted, they’re human, they’re not perfect by any means. But still, God has really blessed me with them.
Today was a good day 🙂 Thank You, Jesus, for the good days, for the bad days, and the days that are somewhere in between. Thank You for days when I can walk a straight line and for days when I just fall over everything. Thank You 🙂 in Jesus’ name, amen.