Without You

Today I was reminded of the fact that even though I would like the world to be perfect, I would like to ignore the fact that bad things happen, I would like to think that people aren’t really as bad or as dark-hearted as they actually are, I would like to see everyone as being innately good, pure-hearted, trustworthy, things happen, people hurt people, mothers don’t love their children, people get married and live in misery or they divorce to get remarried and do it all over again, men abuse women, women abuse men, people wear facades and lie, people steal, the name of Jesus, the idea that you just can’t be good enough for heaven, is unpopular.

But before I get into why this thought came about, I’ll talk about the other amazing things, the other wonderfully eye-opening events that came about throughout the day.

When I woke up this morning, I was tempted to just whine to God about an internal conflict I’ve been experiencing for some time, that I’ve talked to Him about every morning for the past week or so. But I decided that I was getting tired of myself…I came to the moment where I was just annoyed with my own nonsense, that the nonsense itself was just that: nonsense.

Instead, I prayed for people. Praying for others is one of those things that God has been working on in me. I love having time in the morning to just pray over everyone I know (individual friends and family) and even those I don’t know (the President, my country), talking to God on their behalf. I see it as an honor when someone asks me to pray for them, because they’re asking me to wield the most powerful weapon we have against the enemy in order to protect them, to cover them, to watch their back. I just feel so privileged.

So I prayed. When I was finished, I smiled, remembering a while back when Hannah was talking to me about how Jesus, in the book of John chapter 17 (v. 9-26), prayed for me.

I am praying for them. I am not praying for the world but for those whom you have given me, for they are yours.All mine are yours, and yours are mine, and I am glorified in them. And I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, keep them in your name, which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are one.While I was with them, I kept them in your name, which you have given me. I have guarded them, and not one of them has been lost except the son of destruction, that the Scripture might be fulfilled.But now I am coming to you, and these things I speak in the world, that they may have my joy fulfilled in themselves.I have given them your word, and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one.They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.As you sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world. And for their sake I consecrate myself, that they also may be sanctified in truth.

I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me. Father, I desire that they also, whom you have given me, may be with me where I am, to see my glory that you have given me because you loved me before the foundation of the world.O righteous Father, even though the world does not know you, I know you, and these know that you have sent me. I made known to them your name, and I will continue to make it known, that the love with which you have loved me may be in them, and I in them.”
This prayer…it’s never hit me this way before. Jesus prayed for me…..He prayed for me. He must really, really, love me, because even I, an insignificant human being, pray for people I love. I show people I love them by praying for them, that I care about them by praying for them, so imagine how much Jesus Christ loved me…
After this morning, I finished up some homework and headed to Studio. One person in my class kept using one word incorrectly and it reminded me of the infamously annoying Vazinni in The Princess Bride habitually used the word “inconceivable” just one too many times in the most inappropriate of circumstances, and Inigo Montoya said “You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.” What I didn’t realize was that I had said this line out loud with Inigo’s accent and facial expressions.
After Studio, which I got out of late, I went to the cafeteria and grabbed food to eat with me on the way to the Yankee’s game. I was supposed to meet up with all of the College and Career people at church around 4:30-5:00, but I was running short on time and I knew the G-train wasn’t dependable for a speedy travel time. When I finally did make it to the train, it was well past 4:30, and I knew I was going to be late. I was tempted to be impatient, to be frustrated, to be angry and anxious. But God was like “Hunter, there’s nothing you can do. You’re just going to have to trust Me on this one, okay?”
The train came and by the time I arrived at my stop it was after five. As I walked across the bridge to get to the church, I called Sam to make sure he hadn’t left yet…well, he had. So I was left without knowing how to get to the stadium, alone.
“Well, Edward just got a ticket because someone couldn’t go. Just call him, he hasn’t left yet.”
“Um, okay.”
I hung up with Sam and called Edward. Surely enough, the guy who wasn’t supposed to be going to the game ended up going to the game, and he happened to still be home. So we met up at the train and went to the Stadium together. God definitely has a sense of humor.
At one point, when we were transferring trains, the platform was flooded with people, and I began to wonder how in the world all of us were going to fit into the cars. I could not believe the amount of people packed into that train. We squeezed on with hardly any space in front of our own noses. As we stood, and as Edward stood tightly behind me, someone’s hand was flat on my back. So I asked, my voice wavering, “Whose hand is on my back?” Edward very calmly replied, “Hunter, it’s just me.” He was just keeping me from falling backwards, since there was no pole for me to grab onto. Crisis avoided.
I was relieved, but only for a moment, because as the train stopped, more and more people pressed in, and all I could concentrate on was how hot and uncomfortable I was, how thick the air was becoming, how everyone seemed to tower over me. I wasn’t sure, but how I was feeling was similar to how I felt while rock-climbing, though I didn’t think I was having a panic attack. Edward kept talking to me to keep me distracted, and when I got out of the train, my hands were shaking.
The train ride was the only bad thing about going to this event. Everything else was absolutely amazing.
We met up with the rest of the group at a McDonald’s across the way from the stadium. I ate my food, exchanged laughs and stories about the journey into the territory that is the Bronx, and allowed myself to be shocked by how many people were walking around just outside the restaurant, in the restaurant, around the stadium. I thought I’d gotten used to how many people were in The City…I guess I was wrong.

When we got into the stadium, I stood gazing with my mouth wide open, taking in the field, the lights, and the fans. Yup, I was in Yankee Stadium.

We made our way to our seats and I planted myself between Edward and Jenny, listening to them talk about beards and the South. At one point the YMCA came on and we all danced along to it with amazing amounts of energy and enthusiasm. Then the Cotton-Eyed Joe came on and Arial and I broke out our country girl. It was kind of awesome 🙂

After the game, as we walked through the rain, I began to feel dread towards the train ride back to campus. Thankfully, everybody decided to take a less-used route that was slower but had fewer people on it. It was still crowded, and I still felt uncomfortable, but at least there weren’t that many people to feel uncomfortable with 🙂

At one point, when I was feeling especially uncomfortable, I plugged in one headphone and listened to Hold Me Together by Royal Tailor, and as I talked to God, as I laid out my thoughts before Him and talked to Him about what He wanted, my discomfort shrank and peace infiltrated my heart.

Once we came to my stop, Edward walked me to campus and we had a really good discussion. When I got back to my dorm, however, seeing my roommate in tears while skyping with her man, remembering some of the things I’d seen today, some of the things I’d read, some of the things I’d listened to, I began to feel helpless, incapable, and powerless.

But as I moved around, putting things away and praying, I realized that I am helpless, I am incapable, and I am powerless. I can’t save anyone, I can’t bind up their broken heart. I have no supernatural ability or eloquence or strength that can change someone’s heart or fix their life. I am nothing, have nothing…

At least not without God.

Jesus is the only One capable of binding up broken hearts, of healing the deepest kinds of scars, of not only changing the hearts He’s bound but also changing the lives of the owners. He takes pride in His children, not because of anything they’ve done or will do, but because of how they glorify Him and allow Him to work through them. He loves them despite their helplessness. He takes human frailty and makes us warriors. He breaks chains and makes us victors. He rips apart prison doors and makes us free.

No, I can’t heal the world. I can’t handle people’s emotional turmoil or inward depression. I can’t even work the microwave on a good day.

But God can.


About newminority16

Hi, my name is Hunter. I very often make random comments about bacon and how chocolate is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy :) So, before I started this blog, I was getting ready to make one of the biggest decisions of my life: college. God led me to go to a secular college in New York City, a place I was deathly afraid of. It's followed me through those years at college straight into married life and becoming a military spouse, all while seeking to following Christ and know God better and share Him with others. This blog is a way for you to go with me through these adventures, through being a Christian in a world that's forgotten its Creator.
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2 Responses to Without You

  1. bexbella says:

    Hm, kinda like when I went blind. ; /


  2. Ami says:

    Hey Hunter 🙂 Thanks for referencing my blog in your post! I’m thankful that it was a blessing to you. Keep writing! In Christ, Ami


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