Today I was reminded of the fact that even though I would like the world to be perfect, I would like to ignore the fact that bad things happen, I would like to think that people aren’t really as bad or as dark-hearted as they actually are, I would like to see everyone as being innately good, pure-hearted, trustworthy, things happen, people hurt people, mothers don’t love their children, people get married and live in misery or they divorce to get remarried and do it all over again, men abuse women, women abuse men, people wear facades and lie, people steal, the name of Jesus, the idea that you just can’t be good enough for heaven, is unpopular.
But before I get into why this thought came about, I’ll talk about the other amazing things, the other wonderfully eye-opening events that came about throughout the day.
When I woke up this morning, I was tempted to just whine to God about an internal conflict I’ve been experiencing for some time, that I’ve talked to Him about every morning for the past week or so. But I decided that I was getting tired of myself…I came to the moment where I was just annoyed with my own nonsense, that the nonsense itself was just that: nonsense.
Instead, I prayed for people. Praying for others is one of those things that God has been working on in me. I love having time in the morning to just pray over everyone I know (individual friends and family) and even those I don’t know (the President, my country), talking to God on their behalf. I see it as an honor when someone asks me to pray for them, because they’re asking me to wield the most powerful weapon we have against the enemy in order to protect them, to cover them, to watch their back. I just feel so privileged.
So I prayed. When I was finished, I smiled, remembering a while back when Hannah was talking to me about how Jesus, in the book of John chapter 17 (v. 9-26), prayed for me.
“I am praying for them. I am not praying for the world but for those whom you have given me, for they are yours.All mine are yours, and yours are mine, and I am glorified in them. And I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, keep them in your name, which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are one.While I was with them, I kept them in your name, which you have given me. I have guarded them, and not one of them has been lost except the son of destruction, that the Scripture might be fulfilled.But now I am coming to you, and these things I speak in the world, that they may have my joy fulfilled in themselves.I have given them your word, and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one.They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.As you sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world. And for their sake I consecrate myself, that they also may be sanctified in truth.
When we got into the stadium, I stood gazing with my mouth wide open, taking in the field, the lights, and the fans. Yup, I was in Yankee Stadium.
We made our way to our seats and I planted myself between Edward and Jenny, listening to them talk about beards and the South. At one point the YMCA came on and we all danced along to it with amazing amounts of energy and enthusiasm. Then the Cotton-Eyed Joe came on and Arial and I broke out our country girl. It was kind of awesome 🙂
After the game, as we walked through the rain, I began to feel dread towards the train ride back to campus. Thankfully, everybody decided to take a less-used route that was slower but had fewer people on it. It was still crowded, and I still felt uncomfortable, but at least there weren’t that many people to feel uncomfortable with 🙂
At one point, when I was feeling especially uncomfortable, I plugged in one headphone and listened to Hold Me Together by Royal Tailor, and as I talked to God, as I laid out my thoughts before Him and talked to Him about what He wanted, my discomfort shrank and peace infiltrated my heart.
Once we came to my stop, Edward walked me to campus and we had a really good discussion. When I got back to my dorm, however, seeing my roommate in tears while skyping with her man, remembering some of the things I’d seen today, some of the things I’d read, some of the things I’d listened to, I began to feel helpless, incapable, and powerless.
But as I moved around, putting things away and praying, I realized that I am helpless, I am incapable, and I am powerless. I can’t save anyone, I can’t bind up their broken heart. I have no supernatural ability or eloquence or strength that can change someone’s heart or fix their life. I am nothing, have nothing…
At least not without God.
Jesus is the only One capable of binding up broken hearts, of healing the deepest kinds of scars, of not only changing the hearts He’s bound but also changing the lives of the owners. He takes pride in His children, not because of anything they’ve done or will do, but because of how they glorify Him and allow Him to work through them. He loves them despite their helplessness. He takes human frailty and makes us warriors. He breaks chains and makes us victors. He rips apart prison doors and makes us free.
No, I can’t heal the world. I can’t handle people’s emotional turmoil or inward depression. I can’t even work the microwave on a good day.
But God can.