Every once in a great while, I’ll have these days when I wake up ready to write, my mind already in the world it needs to be in for me to start.
Today was one of those days.
I woke up rather bewildered and literally all I wanted to do was sit down at my laptop and spend some quality time with my characters in their own world.
But I refrained and opened up my Bible first. Now, i don’t want it to seem like I feel obligated to begin my day with time with God, because it’s really not that at all. I just keep going back to the times in my life when I neglected spending time with God or I tried to ignore Him. I was so grumpy and unpleasant and nasty and I just felt sick the whole day. I’ve come to realize that without God I’m just not a good person…like, at all. He’s really the only good thing about me, and He takes my subtly amiable qualities and redefines them by His standards and He takes my less amiable qualities and flips them upside down over time. I enjoy spending time with God first thing in the morning because it’s when my brain is at it’s highest function, and His word and His presence sets the tone for the rest of the day. And I enjoy Him 🙂 even when I’m disobedient and I face the consequences, even when I’m angry at Him (for something I did, of course, or for something that’s part of His plan that I react to rather immaturely), even when I feel so ashamed of something I did, I still enjoy Him. He’s just a wonderful, wonderful, indescribable God, and I want to give Him the first of my day.
But putting Him first isn’t always easy, especially on days like this one.
Once I opened my Bible, the momentum of my thoughts threw me into the past, where Stephen was bearing witness and then being stoned before Saul. As I continued to read through the book of Acts, as I watched Peter and company be flogged and beaten and then rejoice because they were persecuted for Christ’s sake, something weird happened in my stomach.
I think I began to realize that these men I’m reading about were my brothers in Christ. Their struggle is my struggle, their fight my fight. I was reminded that the book in my hands was true, it all really happened, and everything within its pages is applicable to where I am today. The problems of the world are still the same. I’m still a sinner in need of a God whose grace and love are all-consuming and whose justice demands payment…but that payment was made in full by His own son. So now my mind, though still in ultra writing mode, was floored, amazed by this truth.
After writing in my journal, I went downstairs with my books and laptop, got myself some Rice Krispies, and set to writing. The world I entered was humid and grey, but adventurous and intense. When I finished writing (I wrote while taking breaks to do laundry and wash dishes), my mind was still in that world, so my Saint-Bernard, Sophie, was a wild dog in a dark forest, the laundry basket was a basket weaved from long slender blades of grass made to hold weapons and cloth and string, and the sky overcast outside did not hang over my little town, but over a village surrounded by woods. After I finished jousting with my other dog, Zorro, I settled down and completed the chores that needed to be done.
I ran to the post office (I have been in this place every day this week) and picked up a passport application for my mother, who’s going on a mission trip to Nicaragua…my mother…flying across the world…to Nicaragua. I’m not sure how I feel about this.
Anyway, after talking to everyone I saw (because I knew most everyone I saw), I walked home, talked to my Aunt Joan, brought boxes and bins over to my neighbor (they’re moving and I wanted to help…not that I’m trying to get rid of them! I just wanted to help :P), and took the dogs out, I made dinner so it would be ready by the time everyone came home.
God is teaching me, as He always is, how to love my siblings and my parents even when my mind is full of all sorts of things and even when they make it very difficult for me to love them. It’s getting a little easier; the main thing I have to remember is that adding to the conversation, no matter how much good intention I may have, is not always a good idea. It’s better to know when to hold your tongue than to try and fix things with stale words.
Mom got home, we all ate dinner, and then Gracie, Mom, and I headed to Agnes’s softball game. My Mom threw me for a loop during one of our car conversations. She had thanked me for all of my “help” as of late (honestly, I’ve been having a lot of fun keeping the house clean and cooking things :D) and she commented, while I was explaining something, that maybe God was preparing me for my future life when I had thirteen children and was a stay-at-home mom. I smirked and continued with my explanation. But now that I think back on it, maybe He is. I mean, I don’t think I’d really mind having….wait, no, we’re not even going there.
I was able to spend time with my grandparents and my Aunt Joan and Tyler yet again and support Agnes. God is really giving me lots of opportunities to spend time with my family, which I appreciate and value because I won’t be home much this summer. The best part is He didn’t have to plan things out this way, but He did, just for me 🙂
We headed home and Gracie and I played Just Dance before she had to go to sleep, and I ended the night with Zumba.
The day was rather slow, not much running around but lots of things that were done. Tomorrow, however, will definitely be a run-around day. Gracie has a dentist appointment in the early morning. I’m having lunch with a friend at noon. Then I have to pick up my siblings from school, pick up my mother, drive her to get her passport, and fill out the necessary paper work for my job this summer.
But even during weeks like this one, where it seems like it’s one thing after another, the week itself is rather small in the big picture, and God’s got it all under control anyway. I realize, compared to the days experienced by many other people around the world, my days are rather simple, laid back, uneventful. Regardless, these are small things I will trust God with, so that when the big things come, trusting Him will be the only option.