Well, I’m leaving home at around 7:30 tomorrow morning for about a week and a half of camp counselor training…and I’m still not totally packed.
The past couple of days have been…interesting, to say the least 🙂
Sunday afternoon, after a particularly rough morning on a Father’s Day, I was able to spend time with all of my family up at The Land, where I got to be muddy and wet and a total mess. I went kayaking with my mom and climbed trees all the way to their tops so I could see the rest of the forest. I ate too many s’mores and I played this weirdo disc game that I got a little too excited about.
Ever since I came home, I’ve been a little weighed down by different circumstances in my life, and I’ve been believing that I’m somehow a victim of life. But I’ve been reminded that this is SO not the case 🙂
Today I tried to make chicken dumplings, tried being the key word. I used too big of a Dutch oven and lost all of the lovely vegetables to the bottom of the pot, but the chicken was delicious and the dumplings were perfect 🙂 It was after this that I began to think.
I’m going to be a camp counselor at a Christian summer camp for my entire summer, and then I get to go back to New York City, a place that I dearly miss and love (there, I said it) to study writing…that’s pretty much a dream come true. Lately I’ve been feeling like every decision is the end of the world. Before I left The City, I fell into another situation where I really hurt one of my dear friends because of a decision I made, and even though I made the right decision, I still hurt them. Also, as the last days of my freshman year of college came to an end, some of my friends spoke of my other friends to me, also speaking of IBC as a whole in an unloving and somewhat disconcerting way, and I can honestly say I wish they hadn’t. So as I left, my heart was very confused and my perspective was a bit skewed. I didn’t realize this was the problem until today.
Granted, my family life is a bit rough right now, which, along with other things, has certainly overwhelmed me a bit and made it difficult to remember God’s amazingness. I’m kind of wondering if my friendship with that person will ever be repaired or mended, and I’m sitting here helpless to do or say anything to fix it all. For a moment I fell into the thought of how many things could go wrong this summer…but the world hasn’t ended. God hasn’t changed. His love hasn’t wavered and the death of His son for me and it’s cosmic repercussions haven’t been taken away. I’m just so insanely glad that I can have these crazy things happen and God still stays the same.
When it comes right down to it, this whole life is going to end one day. Circumstances will change and people will move around. Feelings will go all over the place and places will vary. One day, none of this is going to matter, and I’m going to be with Jesus Christ, for eternity, no longer feeling the weight of my own sin or my own choices or my own whatever. I won’t have to wonder what’s truth anymore and I won’t be carrying all sorts of nonsense around that I should just let go. I’ll just be with Him, and nothing else will matter.
So, I was made to live day by day. Ergo, I need to chill. There’s really honestly no way I can fail because God has already set me up to win 🙂 Yeah, I’m going to fall over and say stupid things and I’m probably going to get really sunburned, but that’s okay, because God is still sovereign and He can work with my messiness and grow me through it and grow others by His light shining through my broken vessel. After all, how would anyone be able to see Him if I was perfect?
The world isn’t going to end if I mess up. Jesus is the Savior of the world, I am not. My life isn’t even mine to worry about..it’s all God’s. Everything that happens only happens because He allowed it or ordained it to happen. I don’t have to worry about my loved ones, because God has them covered. There was a situation in high school when me and two of my close friends were at odds with one another. I wanted to rush in and try and fix everything, but God calmly told me to wait. Of course I was like, “Um, don’t You understand? I kind of need to fix things…like now…because it’s my fault we’re here in the first place.” But He once again told me to wait. Surely enough, after a few weeks or so, God brought them back around and the three of us were able to talk and renew our friendship. I trust that He’ll do the same with this friendship. I made a really hard decision, and it might not look like I made the right one…in fact, honestly, if I were someone looking in on the outside, I would say that I’m selfish and silly and confused…but I know otherwise. God’s got this covered, and I need to stop trying to get in His way and do His job for Him.
Things are going to be awesome 🙂 things are going to be fine. Are bad things going to happen? Of course. How would I grow stronger if life was all sunshine and rainbows? I can’t learn to see how beautiful the good times are if I can’t witness the bad times. But things are going to be fine because God knows what He’s doing and He knows me and He loves me enough to go around what I want to give me everything I need. He is enough. His word is enough. And I’m His girl…which, by definition, means I’m beautiful and wonderful and prepared to take on the world with Him driving me forward. He’s not going to leave me hanging, no matter how ridiculous I am or how awkward I feel or how many times I mess up.
Chapter Two: Sophomore Year will be interesting, but the Interlude, Summer Camp, will be even more so 😀
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” —James 1:5, ESV