I aced my map quiz in World Civilizations this morning.
Before my first class, however, I still had to sift lies out of my eyes along with the sleepies rusting their corners, but God was there, and His word proved strong. The worry of having not studied enough, or of needing to work on the queries for my internship so I could be successful, or of needing to make sure I had enough time to grab coffee (Thursday is my coffee day) kept pulling at my heart. I sat down at my desk, knowing that if I put God first, if I put time with Him first, He would take care of everything.
I talked to Him for a while, just about life, about different things, about people He cares about. And I asked Him, as has been my habit as of late and since the school year started, for help in everything, it seemed. It was nice 🙂
Reading His word provided comfort and solace, even though I knew Satan doesn’t sleep, and I knew that the day would present it’s own challenges. But I also know that God doesn’t sleep either, and He has a much more careful and protective and loving eye on me, and His Holy Spirit is within me, and it’s much more powerful than I could ever be by my own means and by my own will.
I was reminded that physical beauty (which is definitely a thing that’s being used against me because I rarely have time to work out any more) is, at best, temporal and fleeting (Proverbs 31:30), that the beauty that matters most to God is what beauty He finds within me. My worth is greatly determined by how I see God and whether or not I see Him the right way. My value should be determined by how God views me, not by how others view me, which especially difficult, I’m finding, when every subway ad, every billboard, screams that I should be skinnier, more attractive to men, and empowered by how I look. But that’s just not true. God made all women differently, so comparing one woman to societies idea of perfection would be like comparing a ripe plum to a juicy peach. Both are beautiful and wonderful, but they’re both completely different. So how can an appropriate comparison be made? Well, it can’t.
Also, when it comes right down to it, we’re all going to get old, which is why the insides are so much more important and so much more worth growing than the outside, it’s why God loves the beauty exhibited by His daughters the most, because it’s His love radiating from within them and out to the world. That love, God’s love, is what makes women truly beautiful. And when God sees His love radiate from your skin, you can be sure He just beams with pride in calling you His, not that He would disclaim you should you fall, fail, sin, but when you realize the way He sees you is the thing that really matters, everything else kind of falls to the side and you’re no longer affected by outside forces. You don’t worry about looking attractive so much as you’re concerned with being kind to others, truly loving and serving God because what He thinks just matters so much to you, and you so desperately want to show His love to others because you know they’re living as an empty shell, searching for something to fill them as they struggle with pleasing others, or trying to please themselves.
I grabbed hot chocolate instead of coffee this morning, and I went to World Civilizations. As you already know, I aced my quiz, having studied just before class (I studied every night for the past week, but the morning of a test or quiz I like to look over everything one more time). God took care of everything, and I remembered all that I’d studied. I hadn’t “needed” coffee to wake myself up and give me energy for the rest of the day. I’d have time later to work on the internship queries, and though I didn’t know that this morning, I trusted God would give me time.
During class, I picked up on feminist themes being promoted. My professor brought about a very graphic description of a merchant’s sexual life and I sat there, my face burning, trying to block it out. I thought maybe history class would be objective and therefore keep those particular themes out of the picture. Not that sex is bad…God intended it to be a gift, but in this place, sex is talked about as if it’s recreational, which is NOT how God intended it.
After class, I grabbed lunch and did homework. I pulled out my T-chart and studied it. I prayed before Studio began, asking God to remind me who the enemy was, and to help me see past how people act and past their lifestyle choices to love them and fight for them.
Studio went well, and I was able to really reach out and enjoy the people around me, all the while talking to God and asking Him questions and praying to Him and circulating scripture through my head and through my heart.
German came, and I was excited. During class, we were doing a sort of partner exercise where we answered questions in German about Germany’s government, geography, and culture. Both my partner (Micah) and I were kind of nervous and were prepared to burst with excitement if we got any of the answers right. The first question was “What’s the country to the west of Germany?” We answered “France,” which is of course the correct answer but at that point we were intimidated. Our professor told us we got it right and I clapped my hands and raised my arms into the air over my head, leaning back in my chair.
Now, in my dorm, the chair I sit in gives a little, as in, it has a small rock, so when I lean back it leans with me, eventually catching me in the small rock and then coming back forward. I mistakenly thought the chair in the seminar room, where we were having German class, did the same thing, expecting it to catch me when I leaned back…
But it didn’t.
It just kept going back.
I scrambled to grab the table before I completely fell backwards and landed on the carpeted floor, my long legs draped over the edge of my seat, my knees facing the ceiling.
My professor tried to hide her smile and asked if I was okay. I was already laughing, feeling completely embarrassed but rather entertained by the fact that I fell head over heels for France…literally!
I ended the day with a three mile run and it felt wonderful. I thank God for legs that work! And for energy to run!
Tomorrow I go back to my internship and spend the day at the office. This week has been a hard one, but God didn’t give it to me in vain, and He’s still good. He still loves me. He still ministers to and comforts me, and it’s wonderful.
“Do not laugh at me, my enemies, for though I have fallen, I will get up. Though I sit in the dark, the Lord is my light.” —Micah 7:8