There’s something about leaving a place for some time and then returning to a warm welcome that just makes everything wonderful. That’s what I felt like when I came to Jenny’s after not spending time with her for the entire summer.
Yesterday was interesting. I went to the internship as I do every Friday, and there was another intern there. I wasn’t surprised at all, though I was a bit intimidated. She’d worked at The New Yorker and seemed to have it all together whereas I was just plain awkward (or I felt that way), and I was continuously tempted throughout the day to compare myself to her. But I remembered the truth of God’s word, that my purpose isn’t to please man but to please Him, that His opinion is the only one that matters, and that He loves me. I was able, during that day, to get a lot of things done and to help both her and my boss and encourage them both, and I left exhausted, but with a smile 🙂
The walk home exhausted me, and my legs ached by the time I stepped inside my dorm room. I lied down for an hour (I didn’t sleep, just chilled) before setting into my homework. I’d been trying to do something for the internship but I was getting frustrated with it, so to keep from driving myself crazy I instead worked on my novel, drawing characters and maps and histories. I had a lot of fun 🙂
I’d been excited all week for Saturday because it would be the one day I’d be able to sleep in without having any obligations before noon. I realized this morning, however, that the time is coming in which I can’t really afford to sleep in past ten in the morning anymore. I woke up at noon and realized how much work I needed to do and how many things needed to be done, all before I left to go stay at Jenny’s for the weekend.
But I didn’t panic. By the power of God I accepted it and embraced it, this growing up thing, and I embraced it by spending about two hours in His word and talking to Him before I let myself do anything. And when I’d finished my time with Him, I accomplished much more with a mind full of peace, which probably wouldn’t have been the case had I put my to do list before my God.
Bree is home this weekend, so while she’s gone I decided to clean up the dorm before she came back. I swept and dusted and wiped and cleaned. While I was scrubbing the shower with Soft Scrub, I hit the knob and became soaked with hot water. Not my most graceful moment.
I headed to PathMark later on and picked up Texas Toast and a bag of apples to take to Jenny’s. I really don’t have many resources, but God has asked me to be generous with what I do have, my time, money, energy, everything. And He says in His word that He will give me the resources to continue to be generous. Now, that doesn’t mean I’m going to be irresponsible and reckless with my resources, but it does mean I’m going to give and do what He asks and trust Him to give me the tools to do it. I’ve been convicted about really making myself vulnerable and investing in people, something that I’m very bad at. God has never given me something to do without giving me the means to do it, so I’m going to trust Him on this one.
When I got to Jenny’s, I was absolutely exhausted. It was nice to walk in the door, however, and see her standing in the kitchen with dinner ready. It was nice to be in a house, a familiar house. We filled our plates with penne noodles with marina, vegetables, and Texas Toast, filling our glasses with sweet tea and sitting down to watch The Hobbit, both An Unexpected Journey and The Desolation of Smaug. We talked about LotR throughout the whole thing. Between movies we made cookies and talked about God and ministry and loving others, and it was great 🙂
At one point I went into the bathroom and washed my hands, turning to the door and seeing that a towel I’d left here last semester was still hanging where I’d left it. It warmed my heart to see it there. I know it might seem silly for me to think I wouldn’t be expected back lovingly, but it’s a lie that Satan uses against me all the time. To see what I’d left still in the place I’d left it made me feel very loved.
We finished the movies and cleaned up the kitchen and talked some more before heading off to bed. I love how in the midst of this rather awkward and uncomfortable time in life (growing up) God has not only given me Himself, which is all I really need, but He’s also given me small things in addition to Himself, as if He were filling the cup of my heart to its brim and then pouring more in to make it run over. Though I’m experiencing difficultly and living through matters I’ve never had to deal with, troubles that should shake and stress me, He’s helping me through them. He’s blessed me with Jenny and her friendship and her hospitality, a place to call home. He’s given me Sam and Maria, parents away from my parents. He’s put me in a place where I can walk everywhere and bike everywhere. He’s given me His word and time to spend with Him every day and energy and diligence to make sure that time is spent wisely.
He’s just so loving and wonderful and strong and magnificent and the fact that He so willingly helps me with my insignificant human problems makes me feel like a princess, beloved, and precious beyond comprehension….and life becomes so much brighter when I remember that I am all these things to Him, and that He loves me.
Oh how He loves me 🙂