There are days when you really need to remember God’s truth and that’s the reason why you’re off balance, because you’ve forgotten part of His character or part of His promise and your heart is uneasy…but then there are days when you’re just plain exhausted and need to take a nap.
I remember last year learning the very difficult lesson of taking care of my body and really making sure I was getting plenty of sleep and exercise and good food…well, I sort of failed. Walking everywhere and carrying the physical load of my backpack has done more harm than good, I’m afraid, and today, after my time at the internship, I found myself physically incapable of making the walk home.
I know it sounds dramatic, but it really was so. I’d planned on persevering and walking anyway, but God, unlike me, knew I wasn’t going to make it, so He made it rain, forcing me to take the subway.
My present state of discombobulation has nothing to do with not being in God’s word, or going astray, or even doubting or worrying….I’m just tired, and I haven’t run in a while, and a few other reasons. This of course, effects my emotional state and my mental state, so I’m really not even capable of proper thought.
I sometimes wonder, when there are days like this, if Paul or Peter or John ever had days like this, where they just weren’t themselves and it wasn’t because they needed to hang out with God more, but because they were just exhausted and fatigued. I don’t know.
But, it’s quite the relief to know that even though I’m tired, God isn’t, and He’s got enough stamina for me and the rest of the world now and forever. If I’ve learned anything these past couple of weeks, it’s to not take on more than you can handle and to always leave yourself room to relax and breathe…I haven’t done that, and I’m seriously paying for it.
But it’s okay. It won’t last forever. At least now I know and I can make the right decision next time around. God gave me the gift of being able to go home this weekend when I didn’t think it would be possible, which is kind of wonderful. Also, because I’m terribly homesick
I had, for a time at the beginning of the semester, believed the lie that busyness is a way to stay away from temptation or laziness, but I forgot that it’s a lie. Busyness doesn’t keep you from experiencing temptation. There’s really nothing you can do other than spend time with God and use what He gives you to fight and resist temptation…you can’t prevent it. But again, you can fight it. Regardless, I’d fallen into believing that lie.
So yes, this week is going to be tough and I’m not really sure how it’s all going to work out, but I do know that God is breaking me of several things, one of which is pride, being stubborn and not asking for help when I really need it. Also, during weeks like this, God has never let me “just get through” it, but rather He’s always given me the ability to thrive and the strength to do what needs to be done, so I have to believe He’s going to do the same here.
As far as asking for help is concerned, I do believe I’ll be trying to learn that lesson for the rest of my life. I guess sometimes I live under this ridiculous impression that I have something to prove. Whenever I think of how difficult growing up is, I think about the stories my parents and grandparents and my aunts and uncles tell me about their time of growing up, and while part of me is glad I don’t have to go through half of the difficulties they did, I kind of wish I had to do those hard things. I think that’s what a lot of people are lacking today, besides God and His motivation to do anything difficult it’s a genuine lack of hard things to do. Everyone expects everything to be handed over to them and no one wants to work hard for anything, not even for love.
I think that’s part of the reason why the gospel is so offensive, because people are so satisfied with the place they’re in, with the familiarity of their circumstances, whether good or bad, that they settle for what’s around them and what’s going on in their heart instead of doing the hard thing and pushing against the grain, instead of bee-lining for the one Thing that can save them from apathy and desensitization and complacency.
But I suppose that’s a bit of a rant.
Anyway. Today, though exhausting and rather difficult for several reasons, most of which have to do with my physical and emotional state, it ended just wonderfully 🙂 I got to have dinner with Karly and have a great conversation with her and laugh about really silly things. I also got to talk to my mom and Gracie. I miss them very much.
So even when the week seems long and hard, just remember that the week is never bigger than God, and your circumstances and your schedule are never greater than He is. 🙂
“By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything.” —1 John 3:19,20