This weekend was absolutely wonderful 🙂
Coming home during October, when the trees are shedding their leaves and the sun magnifies every warm color, is a horrible mistake, because along with being surrounded by what’s so familiar the absolute beauty of God’s creation close to its “raw” form makes it so much more difficult to leave, pun intended.
I spent Saturday running errands with Mom and spending time with her. She informed me that my grandparents and aunts and uncles were coming over later that night to celebrate my father’s birthday. She also said they were coming to celebrate mine, which was a lovely surprise 🙂
She baked cakes, I did dishes. I spent time with Gracie and Jimmy. I helped peel potatoes. And it was wonderful 🙂
The festivities ensuing were a bit stressed, but happy nonetheless. I really enjoyed sitting and talking with my grandmother and spending time with my aunt and celebrating Dad’s birthday.
That night, however, as I sat and talked to God, I realized I’d become caught up in searching for a physical place where things and people are perfect, where I feel totally safe. But I realized this weekend, no matter where I go, that’s just not possible this side of heaven. I love my family. I love New York City and my family there. I love the Brocks. But none of these places are my legitimate home. The only time I’ll ever be where I belong is in heaven when I’m with Christ, which I suppose is why He always tells me to look to Him first before everything else and to pursue Him first, because He’s home. Also, it’s just not fair for me to expect anyone to be perfect, because humans are just so flawed. Even Christians (who are no less flawed than the rest of humanity) trip and fall and hurt people and mess up.
Anyway. I was reminded that God is home, and while He’s blessed me with multiple homes and multiple families that really, truly, genuinely love me, my real home is with Him. And, in a weirdly wonderful way, that’s reassuring 🙂 Because that means that this life is not all there is, it means that every pain, discomfort, and frustration is only temporary, that it’ll all end eventually. I have a hope as a daughter of Christ that my life doesn’t end here, but it goes on when my body is no longer working and my soul is as young and vibrant as it can be, excited to finally be with the One that makes me complete.
It’s a bit deep, but it’s so true.
Today I woke up and talked to God. I was reminded of how God wants me to act as His girl, not because He’s a control freak or anything, but because He knows what’s best for me. He’s asked me, in several areas of life, to wait on Him, to be patient, and to trust that He knows what’s best. While I will wait on Him and I will be patient, it’s just too easy to fall into wondering when anything is going to happen and how they’re going to happen. But He never meant for me to live in anxiety or worry, not while I’m with Him. So I’m working on waiting on Him and believing that He really does know what He’s doing and, yes, I can really live my life without feeling like I have to worry about anything, from money to marriage, He really means that I don’t have to worry and I can just follow Him and live with abandon.
I raked leaves with Mom this afternoon, and as I did I never thought I’d ever miss or be excited about raking leaves, but I really do. I even jumped into a pile, and rolled around for a minute or two 😀
And now I’m on the bus ride home, still wondering what’s going to happen but trusting that God knows what He’s doing. This is hard, and I’m tired, but God is still God, and He’s still good.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.” —Jeremiah 29:11