I continue to sit back and marvel at God’s ability to make happen the things I never imagined could come about in my life. I know God’s word says that those who wait on the Lord are never put to shame…I guess part of me still doubted, though He was able to push me through the doubt and depend on Him anyway. This just goes to show, even if what’s going on might seem small or miniscule, God is not bound by my fear or my doubt or my logic/rationalization/skepticism, and He keeps His promises, just like He’s been telling me all along.
Last night I stayed up late talking to Bree about the Bible and about God. It was really cool 🙂 I was encouraged, also, by conversations with Hannah, Beth, and Jacob. God is really using them, Jenny, and Sam to encourage me, to remind me that I’m obeying Him and that He’s the One I should be following, the One to whom I should be constantly running and of whom I should always inquire. I’ve once again been reminded of how rare my situation is, and how God takes care of and keeps His promises.
I woke up this morning, refreshed and ready for the day. I spent time praying to God, bringing different decisions and situations before Him, memorizing scripture and spiritually preparing for a long day of classes.
I headed out to class, questions in my head and a desire for coffee in my mouth. I grabbed some coffee and headed to World Civ., where I handed in my completed mid-term paper, which I totally would not have finished except by the grace of God. World Civ. is a very interesting class 🙂 I know a lot of people might think it’s boring, but it’s really cool to see history unfold and witness how many different people are involved and how everything coincides. The greatest part is wondering about God’s plan and His hand in it all.
World Civ. ended, and I had no one to eat lunch with, so I grabbed food and checked my mail and headed back to my dorm, working on my schedule for last semester and sending out emails and taking care of small tasks, talking to God and resting in Him, though my mind was heading in a million different directions.
I headed to Studio, asking God to help me be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry (James 1:19). He’s been wonderful in many ways, but especially in stabilizing my emotions and helping me exhibit His characteristics when my feelings push me to do otherwise.
Studio went by quickly. We were to bring in a list of our favorite words 😀 I offered erinaceous, which is anything of, pertaining to, or resembling a hedgehog 😀
After Studio, I grabbed a frappuccino and some tiramisu, heading back to the dorm to finish my German homework. German went by quickly as well, and offered much fun 🙂 Afterwards, I cleaned the dorm bathroom, swept the floors, washed the windows, the microwave, listening to music and thinking about things.
God is teaching me the very difficult lesson of investing in people and having them, not outright reject me, but having them not prioritize me as much as I prioritize them. I’ve never been in this position, where I’ve allowed myself to be vulnerable and invest in others, giving of my time and energy and other resources. He comforts me with the truth that my identity is not rooted in how they treat me, but rather in who He is. And while I certainly still love them and will continue to invest in them, I’ll just have to continue practicing bringing everything before God and inquiring after Him, after what He wants, and constantly seeking His will in every situation.
Tomorrow I head to the internship, and then I’ll be spending the weekend at Jenny’s house 😀 It’ll be nice to spend time with her and other Christian ladies. I can’t tell you how vital their fellowship with me and their investing in me has encouraged me to continuously follow God. He wasn’t kidding when He said “It’s not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18) And when Christ sent the disciples out into the world pre-crucifixion, He sent them in pairs (Mark 6:7). No wonder.
The more I learn about God, the more I realize I don’t know Him as well I thought I did, and I’m pleasantly proven wrong every single time, becoming more immersed in His grace and glory every step of the way.
God is awesome 🙂
“That according to the riches of His glory He may grant you to be strengthened with power through His spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” —Ephesians 3:16-19, ESV