They say that if you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans. Well, it seems to be true.
I’m not saying that I’ve recently heard God’s laughter, but I can say that, as I’m sitting here wondering about the end of the school year and all that will come about, God’s hand is much more influential than mine concerning the ways of mankind, concerning the ways of the world, which means that any plans I make, regardless of my good intentions and desire to be responsible and forward-looking, are subject to change. Because He knows what plans He has for me, and those are always much better than anything I have in mind, I’ll be following Him, no matter how much I might want the other path, I’ll defer to Him.
Today while I was studying for an Ecology midterm, trying not to be overwhelmed by how many papers there were to write, stories to be created, research to be done, and people to respond to, God brought me to lean on Him and be reminded that His opinion is the only one that matters, and that, regardless of what happens, He still loves me, and has both the first and the final say in everything that happens in my life. He breaks me down and shows me things about myself I’d rather let hide in the dark, and when He brings them into the light, He changes them into something beautiful. What can I say? He’s good at that 🙂
As I sat in the computer lab, completing my midterm (I find it so odd that my professor had us take a midterm on computers, but hey 🙂 ), I began to get overwhelmed again. I’ll never be a successful writer, I’m going to fail, the result of this midterm will forever affect the rest of my life and I will never be good for anything else if I can’t do well. And then I was once again reminded of the fact that the grade on my test won’t take God’s love away from me.
I think I’d run into the problem of taking God’s love for granted, getting “used to” who God is and “used to” talking about Him and to Him. And then I remember who He ACTUALLY is, and just how little I am, how big He is, and how He chooses to love me anyway.
Back to plans though. When I came to Pratt, I did my best not to make plans, because God does change my desires to match His and He does bring things about on a moment’s notice. But no matter how much time I spend with Him, I’ll never be able to see what’s coming, or to predict the future, or know exactly what He’s going to bring about and when. I have absolutely no clue as to what His plans are. All I know is that they’re good, that they’ll be adventurous in every sense of the word, even if to the world they may seem boring, mundane, or slow, that He’ll be there through all of it.
As the summer comes I’m wondering what’s going to happen. Some things concerning the summer and concerning college next semester have come up, or haven’t come in, and I found myself sitting, shaking my head, wondering how on earth things are going to happen, worrying about how I’m going to afford this, how I’m going to get to there, how this or that is going to work out. My heart was in the wrong place, my thoughts were going haywire.
And then, God came and thwapped me right upside the head.
“Hunter, why in the world are you worried? Have I not put you right where you are? Do I not love you? Have I not provided for you all this time? Have I ever not come through for you? Have I ever broken your heart?”
Needless to say, I was once again knocked down a few levels. That seems to be a trend this semester. I think for one moment I’m in control and on top of the world and then something disrupts the flow and I’m in a fluster. But then God reminds me that I was never in control in the first place, that it’s His hand that holds me fast, not my own.
And now I’m sitting here with Charlene, homework piled around me, coffee at the ready, preparing for an all-nighter. And yet there’s no bitter sting to how things are going, no frustration in how much there is to do now…just an understanding that this life is wonderful, that when things aren’t turning out the way I’d planned, it’s okay, because He’s still here.
“Thus says the Lord who made the earth, the Lord who formed it to establish it—the Lord is His name: ‘Call to Me and I will answer you, and will tell you great things that you have not known.” —Jeremiah 33:2-3, ESV