So, when I first read Pride & Prejudice, I of course thought, “there’s no way this would ever happen in real life,” and my cynicism won out for a while. But after the past couple of days, and even after the past year or so, I’m beginning to wonder if my conclusion about Jane Austen novels (as absolutely wonderful as they are) might’ve been stated in haste.
It’s amazing how you can over think so much and then have all of the over thinking alleviated by the simplest of thoughts, how the strangest most powerful doubts can be destroyed by the most unexpected means. I’ve been reminded of the importance of focusing on Christ and Christ alone, of the vitality of fixing my eyes on Him and remembering that He’s the only One who is solid and steady enough for me to hold onto in complete confidence, all day, every day.
Tonight I’m headed out to the BAM Harvey Theater to watch an Ibsen play with my Creating Character class. In the past few weeks I’ve found a few pieces, a few films, a few books that I’ve actually enjoyed digesting here 🙂 And one of them has been Ibsen. I don’t mean to sound like a snob, but it really is nice when I find something I can relate to and genuinely appreciate when considering both content and writing style as opposed to having to focus on the writing style alone.
The thing about being a writer is that your mind is constantly in one world, the world where sword fights, heroic rescues, impossible tragedies, and unexpected endings happen like rain falls over Washington, and in another world, the world where there’s traffic, homework, and dirty dishes 😛
A couple of nights ago I went to Zumba and, besides twisting my ankle and acquiring a rather rough-looking strawberry, I was having a problem coordinating my hand motions with the beat of the song that was playing, called “Fight Music.” I always find the songs where you punch the air to be rather funny, one, because I’m remembering a Tim Hawkins’ video, and two, because I know people who really fight and who really know how to throw a punch and I always feel like my punching form is just totally incorrect 😛
Anyway. While I was doing the punching part, and getting frustrated because I couldn’t coordinate the stuff, my mind went out of the actual place I was in and put me in the head of one of my characters. She’d been thrown into a position where she had to learn how to fight, had to train while fighting, an extreme case of learn-as-you-go. She had to be able to defend herself and she had to know what to do and how to protect those for whom she was responsible. When my mind shifted back, the coordination was no longer a problem, and the work out much less difficult, though much more important, because the fate of the village people and the protection of my family and the defeat of the great villain was now on the line.
I love being a writer 🙂
Yesterday, after World Civ. (the exam was, as with the first one, much easier than I thought it would be), I went into the cafeteria and wrote letters, read my Bible, and listened to music. I had many people write to me in the past few days, and I suppose all of their letters converged in the American postal system to land in my box on the same day 😛 So I read about ministries, about high school, about love, about excitement, about struggles, and about hopes for the summer. I love letters 🙂 It’s really a wonder that so few people write letters anymore, and I feel particularly loved by the people who take the time to write me back, or write me just to write me, even if I didn’t write to them 🙂
Later on around lunch time I went and met up with Charlene and headed to Waza. I’m not sure how the rest of this semester is going to go for either of us. I’m not entirely sure how God is going to use her interior design or my writing, or maybe even how He’s used it already, but I can’t help but feel like He’s using all of the college-ness of our lives right now for something. I know He’s grown me, despite my stubbornness.
I know that this past semester has been one big lesson of “I have no idea what to do, so I’m going to pray,” and even how to pray, what prayer is for, and the power of prayer. And learning and continuing to learn this has made me realize that there have been so many times in my life when God so obviously answered prayer, even though at the time I was just relieved that everything worked out and didn’t fully comprehend the awesomeness of God in that moment.
I remember there was a time a few years ago when my mom and I were sitting in the car (or maybe we were at home sitting at the dinner table? we were together :P) and talking about Stephen, or about marriage, or about finances, or about the future, about something that required a miracle. And I remember us both saying that we wished God would just answer prayer in a totally obvious way instead of our having to look for how He answered. And yet, again, as I look back on that time and on pretty much my entire life, I see just how obviously He answered, how wonderfully He answered, and how absolutely undeserving I was.
I feel like I’ve just gotten off of the Superman roller coaster at Six Flags, or like I just finished zip lining for the first time, 0r like I just came home from staff training at BaYouCa and can now sleep and sit and recover, or like I have recovered. This morning I read in Hebrews, “Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called ‘today,’ that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin” (3:12-13).
Sin is never ugly. It always looks exactly like what we want in any given moment. But with Christ I can see it for what it really is, I can see and understand what it does, just how deceitful it is, and I can deny its power. But Satan, sin, the world: they’re masters of confusion and spin you around on your heel until you’re not sure what you believe anymore, and your heart is a mess. But God is so much greater than our hearts, and He knows everything. When our heart condemns us, we are reassured that we are of the truth and strengthen ourselves with confidence in Him, with confidence in the fact that He is greater, and all-knowing. Satan has already lost. And God, the eternal victor 🙂
“Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed the heir of all things, through whom also he created the world. He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power.”