This morning my time with God was wonderful, refreshing, important. I’m learning, have learned, this summer about thanking God for answered prayers. Last night and this morning God answered so many prayers it’s overwhelming, even though some of them might’ve been “small” things, He still saw them as important enough to answer, prayers He heard and acted on, because they were important to me.
Lately life has been busy, full of emailing, writing letters, reading letters, scheduling, packing, organizing, cleaning, tons and tons and tons of things to be done and very little time to do most of them.
God brought in a break for me, however, where time and schedules and To-Do lists didn’t exist and I could give my life and its everything over to a group of women dedicated to loving me and a number of other women in need of reaffirming in God’s love. This past weekend I went to what’s called a Closer Walk weekend. The Brock family sponsored me to go, driving me to a Methodist church, where I spent three days with, as I said, lots of other godly women both attending and teaming. It was a lot like going to summer camp, accept I was with grown up women as opposed to teenagers.
After this weekend of singing, of praying, of crying, I am overwhelmed with reminders and reaffirmations of God’s love for me, how complete it is, and how silly I am for all the times I ever doubt it. So even though the busyness of these last days in the Shire may leave me tired and my head spinning, my confidence is in Him, and I’m satisfied with Him.
Meanwhile, I continue to value and admire military wives and their bravery, their faithfulness, their ability to endure while their husbands are deployed, their love for others and the way they come together in a community to support each other and encourage each other.
Sometimes I approach subjects and areas of life that I look at or experience and think “I can’t talk to God about that,” as if He doesn’t know or care about everything I’m thinking and feeling. I can talk to Him about anything, especially since He always knows the way I’m feeling better than I do. The best part about this is that, even when I don’t even know how to talk to Him about something, how to express my feelings, how to explain what I’m thinking, He always understands. He knows my heart, He gets it, and I don’t have to worry about His misunderstanding or judging me, because He asks me to be vulnerable with Him about anything and everything, He requests that in this relationship I “pour my heart out to Him at all times,” that I trust that He is “greater than my heart, and He knows everything.”
Ladies, when you miss your man, or when you feel like a complete dunce for not understanding something, when you’re worried or frightened about the future, when the dishes seem to pile up and never end, when the laundry pile grows even though you’ve been working on it for a week now, when someone you attached your heart to walks out of your life, or when you feel very, very lonely, talk to God about it. Tell Him how angry you are, sing to Him about how your heart aches for the person you love, tell Him about that temptation you’re facing, cry to Him about the pain of loneliness, rejoice with Him about the wonder of the sunrise, talk to Him about the life you live daily, about the laundry, about the dishes, about the kids, about the siblings, the family, the everything in between.
Men, when you miss her, or when you feel inadequate, insufficient, incompetence, or incapable, when you feel like you’re failing, when something works out well, when your team wins, when the car breaks down and you don’t have the money to fix it, when you’re betrayed, when someone you looked up to suddenly backs out of being honorable, when men in your life refuse to be men, or when you feel very, very lonely, talk to God about it. Tell Him about your feelings of just not being good enough, strong enough, focused enough, determined enough. Weep to Him, if you can, about the hurt that only a man’s heart can experience, talk to Him about the stress of work, the financial trouble you’re in, the frustrations you’re experiencing, about who made you angry, about the good days, about the hard things, the cool things, the great things, the adventures, the everything in between.
I was listening to Irma Warr earlier this afternoon as I was packing away cleaning supplies, bedding, and books. This woman is so fun, and she’s so wonderfully creative in the way she teaches other women how to be godly women. One thing she talked about was the PLM philosophy: Pray Like Mad. And I’ve certainly come to many points in time when I had just no clue—no clue, like, zero—as to what to do in a certain situation, how to talk to a specific person, how to figure out a unique problem, or at least one that was unique to me and incredibly complicated, and because I don’t know what else to do, I find myself defaulting to praying to God about it—all of it—every single detail, every person, everything I’m afraid of, every uncertainty, every doubt, every hope, and every perception that goes through my head. And by the time I’ve finished talking to Him about it, which may be hours or even days later, I might not have the answer, but I am more able to trust Him with the outcome, more free to rest in Him and be satisfied with however He decides to do things, and understand that through it all, He loves me and I am important to Him.
And now I’ve almost completed my packing, and I’m a bit tired, a bit nervous about heading back to the City, but confident in God’s ability and desire to see me through it, helping me thrive in Him and trust Him with the outcome of everything, guiding me and patiently growing me in the areas where I’m most weak and inexperienced. And so I can say, despite the nervousness, I am excited 🙂 Oh yes, I am excited 🙂
“The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; You hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.” —Psalm 16:5-8