It’s amazing how I can get to points in my life where I feel like I have arrived in my relationship with God, where I think for a moment, “I know everything there is to know about God, I’ve experienced everything with Him, and I no longer need to progress in my relationship with Him.” Well, as I sit here at my desk at the end of the first week of class, and as I’ve experienced all of what this week has offered and thrown and delivered and taken away, I realize that I’m in a spot where I’m having to depend on God in a way that I’ve never had to depend on Him before. Sure, it’s another school year. My dependence is still necessary, and God’s dependability is still vital, but it’s different. Deeper. Heavier. If I do not depend on Him to give me the endurance I need and the discipline in being consistent in certain areas, then things will be considerably more difficult.
This morning I woke up out of a nightmare, and it shook me. But when I sat down and started into talking to the Lover of my soul, to my God, the terror went away, and I could focus and breathe. I prayed for Taylor, for Charlene, for Bree and Kat, for Jake.
I went out later and got my mail, and who did I find a letter from?? Hannah! 😀 I smiled like an idiot as the mail room person handed me the creamy white envelope with pink flowers in the corner. Her letter so encouraged me, and reminded me of how great our God is, how big He is, how fiercely and yet how gently He pursues our feminine hearts. He seemed to be, particularly today, in the business of giving me post-it notes, love notes, flowers, reminders of His love for me.
A little later on in the day, I sat with Taylor and Bree, eating lunch with them. I learned a lot about them today…it was refreshing, and encouraging to talk to them, to listen to them as they talked more in depth about their upbringing in the church, about the Bible, about work, about how all of us were a bit tired already, even though it’s only the first week. Bree eventually left us to go to work, and Taylor and I continued talking.
God has just so blessed me with her. She is such a joy to me and a great friend, and I enjoy getting together with her 😀 We talked about talking about our faith with our classmates. It does seem that, especially as girls, we sometimes become a bit paralyzed by a deep desire for people to like us. We fear rejection. And while everyone, guys and gals, fear that to some degree, I feel like girls in general social settings are more susceptible to that fear. Or, of course, maybe I’m completely wrong 😛 We talked about military wives, about the military itself, about God’s strength in relationships and friendships, about so many things. It was wonderful 🙂
Today the weather was beautiful as well. It wasn’t too terribly hot, and the wind had the coolness of fall trailing behind it. The sunshine was clean and comfy 🙂
I spent most of the rest of the afternoon working on homework in the Pie Shop and praying for the guys at Ft. Bragg. Teddy at one point came in and asked about Bible Study, and we had just a wonderful talk that cheered me up and refreshed my heart, again, in Christ’s love for me, and in His desire to bless me 🙂
I was looking through my flashcards today, memorizing scripture, and I came upon Philippians 4:6-7, which says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything through prayer and supplication with thanksgiving make your requests made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”
I always think it’s interesting that it’s the peace of God that guards my heart and mind. Not the power. Not the strength. But the peace of God. The peace of God, being totally secure in His ability to protect me from anything, in His desire to transform me by His love, in His love for the world and for the people I care about, for the people around me, secure in His sovereignty and His ability to take care of everything outside of my control.
Now, as I’m learning to depend on Him in a much deeper way, I find that, yes, it is the peace of God that guards my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. And how sweet it is 🙂